SO yesterday I was all kinds of enthusiastic about stepping into joy and embracing this countdown to 30 so OBVIOUSLY I should have been prepared. I should have known better than to think it would be easy and that by CHOOSING joy I would actually FEEL it. Last night I slept zero minutes, I spent all night frustrated by how much my head hurt, fighting to just get comfortable, which literally never happened. I finally got up somewhere around 5 and promptly threw up, and thus began the tears. OH MY GOSH THE TEARS. In case you were wondering, tears make my head hurt worse - they add a throbbing, achey pain to the sharp, shooting, agonizing pain. It’s ridiculous. By the time I left for work around 8:30am I was three hours deep in the wallowing and quite far from joy. Day 1 = failure from the very start.
However, I started this year with a little goal. An unspoken little goal. A little goal that I will now share with you - because I think it’s working and I will choose to celebrate it and add it to the list of good things that are bringing me joy and making 2015 - the year in which I turn 30 - feel a bit more swallow-able. At the beginning of 2015 I bought a cutie little sugar-paper calendar from Target (my fav) and set out to find ways to redeem hard days or challenging weeks. On a day where I felt particularly discouraged, perhaps delivering flowers to a friend who could use a little sunshine would make the entire day feel more valuable. This was my hope.
In January I decided I would send a little note of encouragement each Sunday and complete an act of kindness at least once a week. It seemed like a lot to take on at the beginning of the month, but I did it. I was able to design, order, and deliver a canvas to decorate a friend’s office in a season where work required much of her and she just needed a little something to make her smile when she walked in each morning; purchase and deliver a couch to a friend who had just lost her grandfather and a dear friend and needed a place to curl up and have a good cry; send flowers to a friend who broke her arm and another who lost her grandmother unexpectedly; design a little print for my sister who got REALLY brave and up-rooted her whole live and moved to Oregon to take a nursing job and needed a tiny touch of family and home to make the transition feel a bit less daunting; and mail some hand-painted, over-sized scrabble letters to friends from California to Georgia just to remind them they are loved.
I don’t say this to toot my horn - truly - I say this because I have decided that choosing to love, choosing to show up and pour out and be thoughtful DESPITE the headache or the tears or the bad day makes life feel so much more meaningful. And I really do want THAT kind of life and to be THAT kind of friend or sister or auntshell! Today I brought little Essie nail-polish valentines to my co-workers in the office because even though I’m almost 30, Valentines Day is an excuse to remind people they’re LOVED and CELEBRATED and noticed.
So yes, maybe I failed today before 9am, but maybe that doesn’t matter because thankfully we serve a God of grace and mercy who allows us fresh new opportunities to choose joy over and over and over again. And with Him, we can redeem even the ugliest of days and make something beautiful. I think He was starting something captivating and dynamic in my heart when He planted this seed about redeeming days. I’ve always been a gifter - gifts are undoubtedly my love language - but this looks different than anything has before. It’s about me and the Lord and His direction for where I should show up and pour in and when. It’s listening to Him and responding and seeing how He provides beauty in the midst of my brokenness shifting my focus and reactivating my heart. I think for this year, it’s going to be something good…and I will press on…and pour in…and choose joy even in sorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment