so...i dated again...

It happened. I dated a crazy person. I went from “I can’t believe it’s happening to me” in the fun and exciting Kelly Clarkson sense to OH MY GOSH THIS IS HAPPENING AND I GOTTA GET OUT in the flashiest of flashes (if you get the flashiest of flashes reference, you get extra points!!). 

Continuing in our hurricane name method of dating story telling, here we go… 

I said hello to Edna after reviewing his profile on eHarmony. In his opinion, I didn’t review it thoroughly enough - I should have read and re-read his profile to remind me of important information - he took the time to do that on several occasions apparently. He told me that as he was “calling it”. I should have called it the night before when I decided I just had to get off the phone, I didn’t care if it was officially over yet or not, though I was fully aware that was coming, I just had to GET OFF THE PHONE - retrospect is 20/20 friends. 

Truth be told, it was really fun at the beginning - REALLY FUN! Edna said some amazing things to me, things that no one has ever said to me before. He complimented how I look (he said I look like Lauren Graham, ummmmmm yes please!) but also WHO I am and that mattered a LOT. It was a gift. I got butterflies - and I’ve only really had them once or twice before. I actually saved a few of the text messages he sent because the words were significant and meaningful and true. Even if things didn’t work out, the fact that he saw me as a woman of faith and character holds great weight, and I am grateful. 

Edna and I only talked for a matter of days, which is why I say “crazy person” because it ended with him rebuking me, which I must say is a bit intense. I said hello on February 27, we sent many (I heard a rumor it was thousands) texts, talked on the phone for a lot of hours, and went on one date. There were some good reasons for hesitation and based on the wisdom of close and trusted friends, I decided to approach him to have a conversation about my concern. When I did so, he was immediately defensive and relatively unwilling to hear me. He talked at me rather than to me and had some unfriendly things to say like “well, this could be my shortest relationship including high school” and in the long run, it probably was. 

The Lord has been faithful and gracious and kind to me in the dating process thus far. I asked that He would give me wisdom and guidance - that He would make clear when to close doors and that He would protect me. He has done so without fail. I hung up on the phone on that final conversation after saying “I wish you the best in your future endeavors, have a good night” and was literally shaking. It was a terrible experience. But I am laughing now and I’ve learned a lot - about red flags and things I probably should have seen earlier, or said earlier, or will be ready for next time. I have GREAT friends who are supportive and encouraging and have hope for me and trust God is going to provide a husband and a family even when I can’t see it anymore. I do not know what is in store, but I do know that God is my greatest dream and I am continuing to learn and become. 

Cheers to 2017 and 2 guys thus far…who would have thought?!

nice girls and WORLD CHANGERS...

It is March 13 and I have added another book to my COMPLETED list for 2017! WAY TO GO SHELL! When I moved into my new home in late February, sweet Andrea (my new roommate) had left a darling little book in my windowsill - she’s a gem! It was short and sweet, but packed with good reminders to be GROUNDED in TRUTH and to be a STRONG AND CONFIDENT WOMAN of God. 

Here are a few of my FAVORITE quotes from "nice girls don't change the world" by Lynne Hybels (she just happens to be shauna niequist's mama!) 

whereas a nice girl tends to live according to the will of others, a good woman has only one goal : to discern and live out the will of God. a good woman knows that her ultimate calling in life is to be part of God’s plan for redeeming all things in this sin-touched world.

I hope you realize how much your family, your friends, your church, your community and this world need YOU. Don’t allow who you truly are to be lost, buried, or devalued. What is in you matters. What is most truly you matters. You have learned lessons, experienced pain, known joys, and gained a perspective nobody else has. You have an answer to the world’s needs that is YOURS ALONE. 

…the opposite of a nice girl is not just a good woman, but a downright dangerous woman. a woman who shows up with everything she is and joins the battle against whatever opposes the redeeming work of God in our lives and in the world. a dangerous woman delves deeply into the truth of who she is, grounds herself daily in the healing and empowering love of God, and radically engages with the needs of the world.

Isn’t that SO seriously inspiring. I tend toward being a NICE girl, but I’m working on letting my voice being enough (thanks Amanda) and remembering that the Lord has given me everything I need to be a World Changer…

waiting...

This morning as I drove to the office, I saw a cutie little blonde with a short bob walking to school with her mom. I should say I saw her bounding and bouncing in front of her mom who was trying desperately to keep up with the energy of her adorable child. She reminded me so much of Anna’s Adelynn. That was all it took. The tears welled up. It was this surge of hope - hope that Anna and Addie Rae will have that moment someday. A momentary prayer that somehow, I will have that moment alongside my girl - whoever she may be, whatever she might look like. And simultaneous a pang of loss that Anna and I may never have that moment together. 

I would be lying if I said this season isn’t full of loss. It is. I watch Anna being a mama and I ache that we don’t get to share this. I don’t share it with Anna or Emily or Amanda - my three very dearest friends. I don’t share it with Shannon or Carrie or Jenny and the list goes on and on. My heart breaks. I choose His story and I lay all of this down knowing His way is better. I do not doubt He is good. And yet the prayers and the tears still flow. “In the morning, O Lord, hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” (Psalm 5:3) Oh Lord may I wait well…and may I honor you even in that…