I just didn't know...

There are so many things I didn’t know when I left for Rwanda. I didn’t know the view of hills absolutely covered with homes would look so awe-strikingly beautiful, that the scent of burning trash would quickly become familiar and even welcoming, that driving on dusty roads where traffic goes every which direction would feel adventurous and I would even be totally at peace in the hands of our fully capable drivers navigating even the most treacherous holes and giving us reason to cheer. I didn’t know I would be so warmly welcomed by everyone, that their joy that would be so vibrant and rich - on display for me to see - and ultimately find bubbling up from within the deepest recesses of my heart. I didn’t know that watching them sing and dance in worship would make me smile until my cheeks ached - that perhaps rejoicing actually does make your feet begin to move and you almost can’t help but clap as you join in their symphony with the total outpouring of your soul to Jesus. I didn’t know my heart would be broken, but through those tears He would rebuild and restore desperate pieces of me and begin painting new pictures of wholeness I hadn’t known before. I didn’t know a picture frame with my team in white sunglasses would be such a significant gift to the children at camp - that their faces would literally light up and they would SHOUT with excitement upon receiving them! I didn’t know a simple balloon game could fill a room with so much laughter or that we could have played it 100 times and it would have been just as good on that final round! I didn’t know throwing them a birthday party including cupcakes and sunglasses of their very own would bring me to tears because the celebration was just so sweet. I didn’t know I would be asked to pray a blessing over our 100 campers, nor did I know the honor and privilege that moment held as I looked around that circle of children, holding hands, a most beautiful sight to behold and Scripture just seemed fitting. “The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon you and give you His peace. Amen”. I didn’t know I would be completely overcome by the special needs orphanage - I knew it would be hard - but I didn’t realize the sparkle that would be present in the eyes of those children with just the tiniest bit of interaction. That pushing a soccer ball around in front of sweet Jason who was wheelchair bound would make him come alive or that dancing in the sunlight while singing “and I’m so happy, so very happy, I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart” would make Monica wiggle and giggle with what I can only describe as glee. I didn’t know leaving them behind in that orphanage would feel so hallowing - that no amount of supplies left to help with their care would ever make up for the fact that the children themselves couldn’t come with us. I didn’t know we would have the chance to visit the pediatric ward of the hospital in Kigali - that it would quicken the heartbeat of my dear teammate Alisha who is a nurse - and then promptly crush her as she realized how much need truly exists within those walls and curtains. I didn’t know I would see children in an intensive care unit and hand them tootsie rolls, a meager offering as they endured  pain and suffering far beyond my comprehension - and yet even still, that candy seemed a far greater gift than I could have known. I didn’t know I would legitimately ask about adopting a little boy, perhaps with a smidge of laughter in my tone, but a lot of serious in my heart - that in only a matter of days, everything would look and feel so very different. I didn’t know I would leave Rwanda with new definitions for gratitude and fullness and love. That I would come home and constantly check the time in Rwanda - because somehow my heart really would beat in two places. I just didn’t know…

notes from Camp...

Camp brought so much MORE than any of us expected. We doubled the number of children this year and invited 100 in total, it was worth it on absolutely every level, but it was MORE work, MORE exhaustion, MORE activities, MORE chaos, and MORE time to fill. It was also MORE joy, MORE enthusiasm, MORE leaning on Christ, MORE hearing their stories, MORE heartbreak, and MORE glory to God for great things He has done in expanding the Kingdom one child at a time! It was incredible! Beautiful and remarkable! I am still really at a loss for words to truly describe it. There is no way to truly take you there, but I will try...

The days at camp were long but as the end of the week approached it felt far too short. In years past, there has always been a lot of down time or hours during the day where Pastor Joseph who works with the churches in the Bugasera district to determine the children who are most vulnerable and invite them to camp, took responsibility for the children. This year, our team - including our six INCREDIBLE interpreters who truly became dear friends and our Rwandan family as they astounded us with their vibrant interactions and engagement in every single activity - had the kids from 7:30am when we served breakfast until just after 9:00pm when they were forced to go take showers and get in bed. 

>> DETOUR… breakfast was the same every single day - essentially two pieces of white bread and a hard boiled egg (I always got the smallest one thanks to my man Jacob!) and then when you got to your table you could add some salt and/or pepper (a whole lot of salt and pepper if you’re Schotty Schotborgh) at your own risk. The kids loosened the salt by blowing into the tops of the shakers with all their might, which is actually counterproductive as it gets the salt all wet with spit making it clump up and therefore harder to get out - but that’s pretty hard to explain when you speak English and they speak Kinyarwanda and the whole thing is actually super funny. One member of my team didn’t figure out the salt shaker happenings until Friday morning - our last day at camp…yikes bikes. AND WE ARE BACK >>

When the kids finally headed to bed, we met as a team to regroup on the day, ensure we were on track for the next day, and get the necessary supplies organized. That is also when we decided to spend at least an hour or so worshipping together with the translators (who can all sing and allowed us to join in their haunting harmonies to the beautiful name of Jesus - we relished every opportunity to praise Him together) or playing rousing games of UNO or SPOONS alongside consuming copious quantities of candy. I think we brought at least 15-lbs. of candy to share with our Rwandan family! I typically fell into bed somewhere between 2:00 and 3:00am knowing my roommate Erica’s alarm would sound at 5:30am - homegirl loved her the jerry can shower but THAT is an undertaking all in itself and we had to be in the hallway for our morning kick-off meeting and prayer no later than 7:05…or at least that was always the aim! Oh the memories that were made in that hallway or in our rooms late in the night - Emily falling asleep browsing through her pictures-finger firmly planted on the shutter button, dried apples and pears for days, questionably murky remnant water bottles we thought might contain some Miralax- hope no one drank those on accident, rubber bands flying through the air as we took apart 100 freshly made tie-dyed t-shirts so they could be taken to the sweet ladies in the village who would wash them the following morning-envisioning their thought processes as they saw these strange shirts that made absolutely no sense to them, scenes of neck-pillows and teammates adamantly claiming they were awake when we ALL knew the truth-I had woken them up with my rousing knocks on their doors just seconds before. We really had it all. Our team was virtually never lacking for laughter. God was gracious and so very faithful. 

I have never been more proud as a team leader than I was at camp. I loved watching joy emanate from my teammates - I loved watching them light up and ooze Jesus - it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever gotten to stand back and see. I only had seconds at a time to behold it - but it always overtook me. Each member of my team is so uniquely gifted and they poured their hearts into those kids throughout the days we had together. They shared their stories without holding back, choosing to be vulnerable, transparent, and honest - allowing the dynamic ways God has worked in their lives to be a powerful message communicating hope and the promise of a great future for each child standing before us. They chose to draw near knowing it would be short and heartbreaking in the end. They sang and danced and played ridiculous games and also found moments to steal away for intimate and tender conversations where tears were shed. I remember one particular meal where there was no translator at my table so communication with the kids was virtually impossible outside of muraho (which means hello) and a murakoze (thank you) and the occasional bon appetit (many of the kids spoke a smidge of french). We made faces at each other, smiled, and played some hand slapping games around the table - and then Gilbert came and sat down. He is one of the caretakers for the boys. He dove right into conversation in his rather exceptional though still limited English. He told me that prior to our arrival, he didn’t believe God cared about the African people, he felt they were abandoned and forgotten by the Creator. But since we had come, since the “white man” had shown such great love from the Father, he was now convinced that God did have love for his people. That our kindness and care would never be forgotten and would be a reminder that they are seen, and he would never been alone again. He must have said thank you over 40 times in our dinner that day. And THAT is how camp worked. You would go from laughter and pure silliness to gut-wrenching almost hallowing tears in an instant. Realizing over and over that God was working far beyond anything you could have ever imagined. Smiles can be tangibly felt at camp. Hearts are changed as you look deeply into the eyes of another and say almost nothing. God moves and breathes His love into spaces you can never truly grasp. Being there to witness it, to be part of it, to literally see His presence on display, it was an honor extraordinaire; it was a privilege I will forever count amongst the greatest of my entire life. 

beginning to tell the stories of Rwanda...

I have been home from Rwanda for almost five days and every ounce of me is longing to be back. I want to be walking the cobblestone roads and looking out at the endless sky filled with roofs covered by sheetmetal, mountains standing tall in the distance. The view of Rwanda is breathtaking if you just take it all in - but when you zoom in on the details, you begin to see the devastating poverty and desperate need - the broken glass that litters those streets and the dirty clothes that are hanging on the starving children standing before you. Jerry cans that announce water will have to be gathered from gutters and bicycles carry massive quantities of eggs and produce from the city to the villages. There is so much strength readily on display, though I would guess they don’t see that - this is ordinary life, this is survival. 

I expected Rwanda to wreck me - but I had no idea it would fill me to the fullness of His joy and leave my heart EXPLODING with gladness. I have had a difficult time finding words to express how deeply moved and forever changed I am because of all I have seen and experienced in Rwanda. I knew leading the team was a calling - I knew He chose me and I was walking in obedience by faith in saying yes; but I didn’t have any idea of all He truly had in store for me upon arriving to love the least of these in Africa. My heartbeat will never be the same. 

I want to share all the stories, I could spend hours recounting the incredible and amazing of His work in the land of a thousand hills. So perhaps over the next few days or weeks I will share a little at a time. I hope you’ll journey wth me - perhaps you’ll be changed as you learn of all God did in and through my team.

Today I’ll take you back to the very beginning of camp… 

We arrived around 4:00pm and the children were already there. We saw a few of their faces peeking around corners, but they were taking showers and freshening up as many had traveled long distances, some walking several hours to get to camp. We found our rooms and began unloading supplies and then got the alert that they were ready for us. I was entirely unprepared for how quickly I would be impacted and struck by the 100 beautiful faces we would soon call our friends. We walked into the room where we would share all our meals together and they were lined up in four rows looking at us with eager anticipation. I was in tears instantly. So many of them had familiar faces as we had seen their pictures prior to our arrival. We were asked to introduce ourselves and then one by one each camper stood up and told us his or her name and their favorite food - most said chips (which are french fries) and a few said rice or beans or meat. There is no designation of type of meat in Africa - it’s all just meat. We became aware of how spoiled we are and how much abundance we live in quite quickly that day. 

We served the children dinner - an African buffet with rice, spaghetti, bananas, chips, beans, some sort of white potato / yam / really interesting looking root vegetable, some green leaves that had been seriously cooked down, saucey that covered everything on the plate and then the meat. The final stop at the table was a huge plate of onions, some fruit, and THEN the fiesta - the largest variety of Fanta you’ve ever seen in your life - the treat of all treats for our kids. We served all the children heaping plates of food - more food than I could have ever eaten in a single sitting - and they devoured every scrap. They raised their eyebrows to say yes to wanting something and shook their finger with fury and said “oh-yeah” for no. Those lifted brows will forever be one of my favorite things about our kids. You can say a lot without uttering a word. 

After dinner it was time for “African singing and dancing” - a sound I pray I can always hear in my heart - it is the beat of pure joy - a kind of worship I had never known before, but will absolutely NEVER forget. With gusto and fervor, the children sang out and ultimately erupted into dancing. One by one they extended their little hands towards us, asking us to join in and we were swallowed up into their circle. We began to attempt to stomp and follow along as we worshipped in one accord. I watched as huge smiles spread across the faces of each member of my team - there was no doubt we were tasting heaven - we learned in new ways that THIS is what rejoicing together looks like - THIS is the fullness of His presence and we were relishing every second.

Far too soon it was time for bed but our hearts were already growing - we were already learning to love more than we thought possible and camp didn’t even OFFICIALLY begin until the next morning. We still really had NO IDEA of all God had in store, but He was stirring, and we were now ready to run with endurance the race marked out for us. In only moments, those kids were inscribed on our hearts and we had been forever changed. With only a glimmer behind and so much lying ahead, God had captured me and written Rwanda into the very fiber of my being. Nothing would ever be quite the same…