a wedding weekend to remember

Months ago, Reagan and Cody asked me to officiate their wedding. We met several times over coffee and chocolate chip pancakes, sushi, champagne slushes, and more coffee to ensure the ceremony was exactly as they hoped. Over the weekend, I traveled to Dripping Springs, Texas for the big day. It was a wondrous weekend…full of friendship and hugs and plenty of chips & queso! 

I arrived in Austin on Friday afternoon (after finishing a book - The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - thanks for the recommendation Shanzie). I rented a car and drove immediately to San Antonio - to my best friend Amanda Roth. We enjoyed our traditional FIRST NIGHT IN TEXAS dinner at Chuy’s. I LOVE CHUY’S. After dinner, we spent the evening catching up and played a few raucous games of Monopoly Deal. It was a delight to steal a few minutes of calm and cherished with my best friend in advance of all the festivities. I wouldn’t have traded that for anything. 

Saturday morning came (way too early) and I was back on the road (two cups of coffee deep) headed to Dripping Springs for the rehearsal and bachelorette shenanigans. As a group of ladies, we headed straight for coffee…then went to an acrobatic class (where we laughed a TON and my abs just got sore - 3 days later) and ended our afternoon with some delicious eats at Hula Hut. It was honestly a really fun and casual day. That evening was the rehearsal dinner with more food than you can possibly comprehend - bacon wrapped jalapeños + pulled pork sliders + mac and cheese + potato salad + 2 different kinds of pasta salad + a green salad + chips and salsa - ALL BEFORE WE GOT TO DESSERT - mini cheesecakes, oreo cake, tiramisu, an apple / cinnamon roll concoction…honestly it was too much to take in and every last bite was absolutely delicious. A couple of us stayed up late into the night chatting it up in the bathroom of the Creek Haus - it was a really sweet time.

Sunday morning we got to sleep in, a rare treat in my life. I got up around 9am and got ready to head “into town”. I met Kimie (one of my best friends from college - and really the only one I am still in touch with) for breakfast. My sweet friend drove 3-hours EACH WAY to share a sub-par meal in an ordinary diner with ME. What an amazingly generous gift. Life together IN PERSON is really the best. 

I retuned to the venue to get ready with the girls. There aren’t words for how radiant Reagan looked in her wedding dress - or how she encapsulated hope and joy. She was the depiction of bridal bliss. In what seemed like only minutes, it was time to get mic’ed up and ready to begin. I quickly changed out of my regular outfit and put on my dress. The nerves kicked into gear and I headed downstairs to greet the gents and the family to get the ceremony underway. Everything went exactly as they hoped. Cody sobbed as Reagan walked down the aisle toward him and Reagan cheered that she had made him cry. The ceremony was equal parts tender and sweet alongside some hints of hilarious and a helping of truth. I was so honored to stand with them as they said their vows. It was intimate and it meant more than I could have imagined. I didn't realize until later that I had two bras on...changed too quick shell, changed too quick! 

After the wedding I headed back to San Antonio to spend Monday morning with Amanda. We lived the ordinary life - coffee and breakfast (pumpkin pancakes with chocolate chips) and then headed to H-E-B with our favorite little bud. We rounded through Starbys on the way home and then had a quick lunch before I got back in my rental and returned to the airport to head home. It was the perfect way to end a spectacular weekend (plus the guest bed at Amanda’s house is AMAZING!). 

If you asked me for the highlight of the weekend - it would have to be Cody. I don’t know him all that well, but he has already made me feel like a million bucks. He told his family that I have the purest heart of anyone he has met and at the wedding, he hugged me super tight and said he just couldn’t thank me enough for everything. It was so genuine and I am absolutely certain that he saw the reflection of Christ in me. I couldn’t ask for anything more. 

Mrs. Amanda Roth.

And just like that, she went from Miss Amanda Jennifer Young to Mrs. Amanda Roth…

On Friday, February 19, I watched with hints of tears glistening in my eyes as one of my very bests walked down the aisle towards her love, Tanner Wayne Roth. She looked absolutely glorious and because I had shared so much of the journey with her, I fully understood the weight and hope and answered prayers and excitement and joy she carried in each step. I heard about “her buddy Tanner” as Amanda saw him in the airport early one May morning as I prayed with her before she headed to Chicago for an ISM conference…little did I know… Then I heard SO MUCH MORE upon her return home. I think it was that night after I hugged her goodbye and went back inside and began washing dishes that I prayed, and through tears I whispered the words, “I know Lord, I know she’ll marry him.” Oh how grateful I am for the ways I was able to lean in and draw close to my sweet friend as she began dating, and then ultimately fell in love with Tanner. When he deployed I got to hear so much of her heart and walk that road with her hand in hand. Praying together through the darkest days and rejoicing in His glorious gifts as well. I remember the day she finally admitted she was in love with “Tandor the great” - she did it so subtly. She was renting a room in Placentia and it wasn’t necessarily everything she had envisioned when it came to sleeping there. I asked her how long she was planning to endure and she said something about it depending on how things went when Tanner came home…aka…she didn’t think she would NEED to be there long because very likely rings and wedding talk were in the near future. She was right and the engagement season was one I will forever treasure. I designed and dreamed and dress shopped and planned and prayed and partnered with Mands - the bridey - in all things blissfully beautiful. I got to be one of her right hand girls and helped make her wedding day dreams come true. I helped throw a lovely shower and was honored to be part of her day of treats, there were dress fittings and crafternoons, we have more emails and texts than I could ever count. So on Friday as I watched her walk down that aisle radiant in the iconic bridal glow, the tears in my eyes revealed the joy deep in my heart as I overflowed with gratitude. I listened to her vows knowing her heart for the Lord and for her husband, knowing her deep and unwavering commitment, her steadfast and strong desire to be faithful, and choosing to share in her covenant, knowing it will be my great honor and privilege to support and encourage her as she loves her husband and serves him all the days of her life. What a joy it is to write #thetalesofabridesmaid. 

feeling something...

“You can’t experience change without feeling something.” 

I’m not entirely certain where I came across these words, but I definitely didn’t come up with them on my own. Even still, they have brought me a certain sense of relief and release over the past few days.  One of my very best friends is getting married this month. THIS MONTH. The entire engagement was only four months long, so it always sounded soon; but now it sounds immediate, tangible, and that looming closeness has prompted the surge of feelings. 

There is such a deep joy - I absolutely love Amanda and have gotten to walk so closely beside her throughout this process. I have gotten to hear her heart, to watch that bridal glow, to dive head-first into every blissful detail - even today there have been a myriad of emails and a flurry of texts related to the wedding. And yet I know the silence is coming. On the other side of the aisle and the “I do” is a honeymoon and a time of distance to establish her new life and identity as Mrs. Amanda Roth. I want this for her with every single ounce and yet, there is this part of me that fears the upcoming goodbye. I have watched many a friend walk down the aisle, and inevitably the friendship changes. Sometimes it resurfaces and is even stronger and more beautiful than before and other times it disappears almost completely. Amanda has promised me I’m not losing a friend and I so badly want to believe her. And yet, even as I type this I find my heartbeat quickening and the tears beginning to brew. Will there still be space for me when there isn’t a wedding to plan? When there is a husband to come home to each night? She will have that built-in best friend to tell all her stories, to recount her day, to pour out her heart. She will have that friend, but will I have lost mine?

You can’t experience change without feeling something. Perhaps right now it is such a mix of somethings that I can’t really even make sense of it. There is joy and excitement and anticipation and a tiny hint of stress, there is so much love that my heart just might explode, there is hope and profound gratitude. And in the midst of all that glorious and rich there is also sorrow and disappointment and longing and loneliness and this looming sense of sad. I am totally and completely happy for her and yet it is still hard for me. Oh how I wish it didn’t have to be both. And yet I cannot even begin to wish I didn’t feel - it is the very essence of me and the basis for so much of my existence. I am all heart and I am so glad to be that way. I want this heart wrenchingly beautiful reality even if there are many tears in both laughter and pain. And I want this friendship even if only for the next 17 days. She has been one of the greatest gifts the Lord has ever seen fit to give me - and I will cherish and celebrate and come alongside for every single moment she’ll have me. Lord I just pray there truly is a lifetime of moments still to come. 

a shower for the future Mrs. Roth

One month from today my beautiful Amanda will walk down the aisle towards her love Tanner Wayne Roth wearing an absolutely exquisite dress (that I am so grateful I have gotten see many glimpses of) and make vows before God, before family, before cherished friends and she become Mrs. Amanda Jennifer Young Roth. I cannot believe the big day is nearly here. So in celebration, today seems like an appropriate day to post about her beautiful bridal shower, a day that I will treasure whenever I think back upon this season we have shared.

As soon as sweet Amanda was engaged and it was confirmed that I was bridesmaid #10, shower planning became a hot topic of conversation and I was so blessed and honored to throw her personal shower alongside her hilarious and absolutely delightful sister Ashley (also known as Shleyb, Shleybs, or my personal favorite Shleybert). Amanda has a pretty distinct style, so very quickly we settled on burlap and lace with touches of quirky and fun and lots of intentional sentimentality. We had our first official planning meeting just before Thanksgiving and then kicked things into HIGH GEAR with a champagne crafternoon. Invitations went out on December 09, exactly one month prior to the big event and I am proud to say that Amanda cried when she saw them. As a designer, that is the ultimate dream. Shleybert and I laughed our way through the chaos and came up with details galore in hopes of making it a day she would long remember.

Perhaps our very favorite of all the decor items was this amazing fringy bits with "ROTH EST 2016" hanging delicately below. It became the baseline for all other pieces we designed. The entire shower was built around the letter "R" and the very real idea that Amanda is the future Mrs. Roth. The best "R" was the twine wrapped "R" that Shleyb spent at least an hour creating. It is a beauty and if she has anything to say about it, it will be prominently displayed at Roth manor for many years to come! The guestbook was a Bible engraved with Roth est. 2016 on the cover. Each guest was asked to underline her favorite Scripture and then leave a note on an accompanying bookmark so Amanda and Tanner have a family Bible filled with encouragement and love to use as a reference point and a place to turn when they need hope or joy or help. The Bible will also be present at their next shower and the rehearsal dinner and I pray it will be one of their most treasured possessions.

Amanda and I were chatting just a few days before the shower and she confessed she was nervous not many people were coming and that it would be a tinge disappointing. I quietly reminded her that once she arrived she would enjoy every single person there and be so abundantly blessed by their presence. In actuality, almost every person who received an invitation was there to celebrate beside her. With the exception of a few out of town guests, the house was a bustle with her dearest friends and loved ones who absolutely adore our amazingly huge-hearted bride. Amanda is beloved by many and has given much to those the Lord has placed in her midst. It was such a pleasure to pour my heart into her and create a day that acknowledged who she is in Christ and who she has been for each one of us as she moves into this new season of life with Tanner. My love for her is deep and I am profoundly grateful for our friendship. She is truly a gift beyond measure and I know the Lord gave me something rich and profoundly beautiful in allowing us to walk together.

There are some final design things for the wedding day that Mands and I are working on together and Shleyb and I are finalizing plans for "Amanda's Day of Treats" with these lovely ladies! The countdown is definitely on...

I said yes...to the bridesmaid dress...

My dear sweet Mands is getting married in only 36 days! INSANE! The maid of honor - Amanda’s hilarious and ridiculously fun sister Ashley (also known as Shleyb or SHLEYBERT) - and I threw a BEAUTIFUL bridal shower on Saturday, January 9th and very soon that will get a post all its own as it is quite deserving of some blog love. However, THIS post is about the dress and the shoes because my friends, I SAID YES TO THE DRESS and it wasn’t even that hard. ahhh! 

Amanda said she wanted us to wear floor length, grey dresses. That was really her only stipulation. As a bridesmaid I think it is SO wonderful when the bride lets you pick your own dress - obviously it means you’re going to look far more attractive because you’re going to pick a dress that fits and flatters your body. That said, it also becomes a bit more challenging because…it means…THE HUNT IS ON. If you get an ugly dress it is nobody’s fault but your own. We looked a bit at David’s bridal and Nordstrom the day Amanda said yes to her dress and then I did some hunting on JCrew and Nordstrom.com. That’s when I spotted the dress I thought would probably be “the one”.

I love the flowy tulle, the sweetheart shaped illusion neckline so it pretends to be strapless but you won’t be caught tugging and pulling on it all evening long. The color is basically perfection - that perfect blend of a true grey with the slightest hint of pink so it doesn’t err sluggish, but feels dreamy and sophisticated. It is slightly too expensive, but it’s a bridesmaid dress, so they all are. I sent the picture to a few trusted friends and asked for their gut instinct. They all loved it. I pulled out the trusty measuring tape and did my best to figure out my size. I committed and ordered the very biggest size available and the internal panic started to set in. What if it arrived and didn’t fit or I looked absolutely hideodious in it? I waited with anticipation for the dress to arrive while the bride lovingly affirmed me and confidently reminded me I would look absolutely GORGEOUS in the dress (she really is the sweetest). The dress arrived and I opened the box - the dress was just as pretty in person as it looked online. I took it out of the bag with trepidation and pulled it on. The moment arrived when it was time for the zipper - always the scariest part - it went right up with ease. Maybe for the first time, I felt a tiny smidge of pride over the weight loss. I took it down to San Diego a few days later to give Anna an in-person glimpse and she immediately said I needed to order a smaller size. A SMALLER SIZE. Y’all this NEVER happens. I have always been the biggest bridesmaid in the bunch so it was truly a moment of glory. The smaller dress hasn’t arrived yet, but I am so excited to have a beautiful dress that fits and needs to be SMALLER to fit me. What a wonderful and fun little gift that will be as I get ready on Amanda’s day! 

With the dress selection complete it was time to go shoe shopping. The dress is grey, so shoes were going to be a bit tricky. The dress is floor length, so realistically they weren’t even going to show, but I still wanted something really fun that would make me feel fancy and put together. I also wanted something comfortable because weddings are long (I mean we’re talking a day at Disneyland long here) and if you’re gonna hit the dance floor, the last thing you want to be thinking is “man, my feet are killing me”. Because I knew the dress needed to be altered, I needed to decide on shoes somewhat quickly because alterations require some time. In the midst of shower planning and preparations for the bachelorette and the wedding itself, I started to get a tinge overwhelmed by the shoes. I couldn’t seem to figure out what color would be best or really even what I wanted overall. And everything I looked at was so ridiculously expensive and I wanted to keep things as budget friendly as possible. So - as I so often do when I am in desperate need - I asked my bests for help. Anna immediately said wear flats. Em said I should wear the black and gold heels I purchased for her wedding. Amanda, just took care of it all. She started sending me links of shoes and we laughed over how many of the shoes she sent looked just like something she would wear. In the long run, my sweet friend and decided shoes would be the perfect thank you for throwing her bridal shower so I will be wearing the most beautiful pair of Cinderella slippers under my dress. They look just like me and I cried the biggest tears when I opened them. I honestly couldn’t have picked a better pair - they’re flats but perfectly fancy with a hint of sparkle. 

So the outfit selections are basically done. Now we’re down to scheduling the alterations, getting a haircut (which is happening on Tuesday) and determining what to wear to the rehearsal dinner! It is all coming together and I am getting really excited. Couldn’t love the bride more and I couldn’t be more grateful to be part of this celebration! Cheers to Mr. and Mrs. Roth - and to the continuing tales of a bridesmaid!

bridesmaid #10...

So, it’s official, the joy of being a bridesmaid is here once again. My dear sweet Mands is getting married in February and we are all basking in the excitement and enthusiasm of #tamanda2016. 

My first BIG assignment was the bridesmaid request cards. I don’t think there is anything more fun than dreaming and designing paper goods for my nearest and dearest in their biggest moments! They came together perfectly - black and white stripes with ridiculously cute little arrows and hints of the perfect peachy, coral pink and surprise hearts here and there to keep it flirty and fabulous. Plus polka dot lined envelopes and hand-written notes from “the future Mrs. Roth” - perfection. For her sister Ashley, the maid of honor, the card became a label on a bottle of pink champagne in a darling little burlap bag. They really were everything we discussed and envisioned - and Amanda absolutely LOVED them - and THAT is what made my heart most happy. 

Since they were personalized, she gave me the names of 9 or her 10 bridesmaids and said #10 was a secret surprise and she couldn’t tell me who lucky #10 would be. Of course you know the end of the story - bridesmaid #10 is ME! My dear sweet friend wanted me to feel special and loved and not have to design my own card, so I got a darling floral card in a polka dot lined envelope just a few days ago. I couldn’t be more excited to be part of her day - or her life - she is undoubtedly one of the greatest gifts and a treasure I will cherish for a lifetime. 

Since we are racing towards a February wedding, things have to move FAST friends! Mands already found her dress and it is all kinds of magical and dreamy and definitely made me cry more than once. I have tentatively picked my bridesmaid dress though I haven’t officially pushed order or said YES (what is it about bridesmaid dresses that instantly make you feel more insecure and hideous than ever before - I’m absolutely convinced I will look HORRENDOUS in anything and nothing will fit and it’s just entirely too hard. I took my measurements and I might just barely squeeze into the largest size - nothing like feeling giant while on display…blarg!). Bridal shower plans are well underway and those invitation designs are completed! This weekend there is a crafternoon session that is sure to be epic including tons of burlap and lace and all things rustic and chalkboard and woodsy vintique. I’m in process on the wedding invite and dreaming about what to buy the Roth’s for Christmas this year. This is the good stuff friends - in the midst of the chaos and overwhelming busy - and a hint of sadness that she is getting married and everything is going to change soon - it is SO VERY GOOD - the Lord gave them each other and it is beautiful and astounding and getting to lavish them with love and blessings is a tremendous joy. So much more to come - my tales as a bridesmaid are never quite complete…

wedding woes...

I’ve been in many a wedding, I feel fairly confident in my ability to do the bridesmaid thing, I’ve even done the maid of honor thing once. It is a beautiful thing to stand beside a dear sweet friend as she prepares to walk down the aisle on her big day. I love the preceding festivities - the bridal showers and bachelorette parties. I love getting up early on the big day to hit up Starbucks and ensuring the barista properly labels the cups “bride” and “bridesmaids” and then heading to wherever we’re all getting ready with countless tote bags filled to the brim with curling irons, straighteners, economy sized bottles of hairspray, more bobby pins than one can possibly comprehend in blonde, brown, and black. Not to mention the makeup. OH MY GOODNESS the makeup - there are fabulous false lashes and eye shadow palettes galore, plus copious quantities of lipstick in every shade and finish imaginable - the super shiny and the matte - everyone brings their very best and the girly-girl in of me eats up every single minute of it. The morning often includes tearful and tender moments for me - moments where I catch the most beautiful glimpses of eager anticipation and complete joy - that bridal glow. Being a bridesmaid is heart-warming and special and even though it often means wearing a dress that isn’t the most comfortable or flattering and spending a lot of crazy cash, it’s always worth it to share in those final moments before a dear friend becomes a Mrs., to make those last single girl memories, and to end that season with the most joyful exclamation mark.

What I am realizing in this season of singleness that is seemingly unending, is that I really don’t know how to attend a wedding alone. The bridesmaid thing has almost become the easy way out. It’s fun and special and no one notices that you’re there alone because you sit at the head table and you’re with the bride and her girls all day. So what do you do when you’re not in the wedding and you’re just supposed to go? My friend Steven is getting married on Saturday - he and I have known each other our entire lives and were really close for much of our 20’s. I’m not currently in a relationship and don’t have a go-to date. Truth is, for most of the weddings I’ve attended, Steven was my go-to-guy. He went with me to Shalina’s wedding and to Carrie’s. Now it’s his turn to be the groom and I just feel so lost and alone. He has been engaged since fall 2014 and for months I have envisioned time and time again that moment where I walk into his ceremony space - feeling like the spotlight is on me - how obvious and apparent it will be that I’m alone - unmarried - not in a relationship - without a man on my arm. Logically I know that people aren’t going to be evaluating me. They aren’t going to count the seconds (or minutes) it takes me to determine where to sit. They are there for Steven and Lindsey, that’s all they’re going to care about. That is all that I should care about. So why is there this lump in my throat that I can’t seem to get over. Why do the tears continue to well up and threaten to spill over. Why does being single FEEL like such a valuation of worth?

I pray that I will go to Steven’s wedding on Saturday and be pleasantly surprised by how easy it is, that I’ll see him standing at the end of the aisle waiting for his bride and feel the swell of happy tears and true rejoicing from deep within - one of my lifelong friends has found the one he loves, I’m thrilled for him, it’s finally his turn. I pray that I will eat tacos and s’mores with my best friend Carrie (talk about a hot and SUPER FUN date!) and laugh a lot and that we’ll drive home chattering about how my wedding could be next and what a ridiculously gorgeous bride I will be. But mostly, I pray that I won’t listen to the lies I hear in my head or let the darts the enemy throws my way steal my joy; but will rest in truth - that my value is determined by my Creator and He sees me as beautiful, magnificent, and splendid.

they're the madsens...

June 28, 2014 - a day I will not soon forget because the memories are cherished and dear. It was a wonderfully beautiful day, one shared with two of my closest friends, a day that was abounding with love and joy from the early morning to the late night. There was laughter and tears and smiles until faces hurt. It was the day Rebecca and Jason became Mr. and Mrs. Madsen and it was perfection.

I was in the backseat of the TramCam on Sunday, December 08 when my phone rang and a cutie pic of me and Kenz popped up. Em and B had gotten married the night before and we were driving through the frozen tundra from Springfield to St. Louis because I had to fly home. It had been a whirlwind trip and emotions were high - I had been Emily’s Maid of Honor and the moments we shared together over the 5-day-wedding-weekend will forever be some of the most significant in my heart. I knew it was suspicious that Kenz was calling when I was out of town for Emy’s wedding (she definitely knew where I was, we were roommates at the time) so I opted to answer and Kenz told me the big news - Jason had proposed and she was officially engaged.

A few weeks later I got the most darling rifle paper co. card that read “will you be my bridesmaid” and OF COURSE I said yes and all things bridal shower and bachelorette and wedding planning began. Gan was also a bridesmaid which made the whole process especially fun as it meant she had to come visit several times and we got to do all of it together. I had the honor of designing the invite for Kenzie’s bridal shower as well as some darling little buttons for the bachelorette. Gan and I hosted a little day-before pedicure and lunch extravaganza for the bridal party and also an after-the-rehearsal final hoorah before the big day. We had “party posse” hats and truly just wanted to be sure that Kenz and Jason felt overly celebrated and ridiculously loved. They surely are!

Truly Kenz was a super laid-back and easy bride so nothing ever felt overly stressful or chaotic. It was a little dream. The day of the wedding we got to her bridal suite armed with plenty of coffee and other beverages as needed, fake eyelashes, copious amounts of bobby pins, and hearts bursting with excitement for our dear sweet friend. We spent several hours under the haze of hairspray and self tanner (that might have been just me, and yes it is a necessary evil when you’re THIS white) and eventually we were ready to put Kenz in her dress and head to the venue. She literally took my breathe away with her beauty that day, she was stunning and radiant and glowing and it was a wonderful sight to behold. When we got to the venue we were supposed to “hide” while they did their first look but we weren’t really all about that, so we stood far enough away that they could have their moment but we could still all watch it. I might have had a tear. Jason is undoubtedly in love with Kenz and there is something really wonderful about knowing your friend is deeply loved and wholly cherished. What felt like only moments later the pictures had all been taken and we were hustling inside to steal away for a few moments of prayer before lining up to formally begin the ceremony. Wedding days tend to be like that - a total blur - a day so full of love you almost can’t even contain it in memory. The ceremony was wonderful and the officiant forgot I was supposed to pray so I totally got let off the hook, which was AWESOME, thanks for the total relief of nerves Pastor Coulombe!

With the first kiss and recessional complete, it was time for the party. We watched the sunset radiate the beautiful skyline and laughed and danced and had some more coffee (it had been a long day) and just took time to celebrate together, to honor the gift of marriage and the wonderful adventure that was ahead for Jason and Kenz. I really do love being a bridesmaid. I love standing beside my dearest friends and sharing in their big moments. Getting to be close as they get ready and hearing so much heart throughout the day. Friendships change post-wedding, but it is a beautiful close to the chapter before to share in the celebration and journey to “I do”. I will forever be grateful for the memories and moments we shared that day, and look forward to living lots more life not just with Kenz, but with the Madsens.

and...she is married...

Over the weekend, one of my dearest and most beautiful friends got married...

 I met Rebecca MacKenzie in the summer of 2008 - she was the newest employee at Ev. Free Fullerton and she was just a year younger than me. We connected initially over coffee breaks and lunch dates but quickly became dear friends. That fall, I introduced Kenz to my best friend from college (yay CBU!!) Megan McAlpine and a true trio was born. We spent a ridiculous amount of time at The Diz, went on the Great Cupcake Crawl, made annual trips to the San Clemente Beach house, visited museums and zoos and landmarks galore, went wine tasting in Santa Barbara, took weekend trips to San Luis Obispo and San Francisco, attempted to ride the great balloon but settled for the carousel, celebrated birthdays and Christmases together with ice-skating and fancy dinners and sand-filled salads, became connoisseurs of happy feet, conquered more shopping trips to GAP and ANTHRO than could ever be counted, went to movies, watched the Oscars, proved our television athleticism (though Kenz is waaaay behind Gan and me) with ALL the Harry Potter movies, GIRLS, and The Mole, drank unspeakable quantities of coffee and generally lived life together. We have been adventuring together since 2008 - we’ve had 6 great years.

Kenz is one of the kindest and most generous people I know. She has a true servant’s heart and will do absolutely anything to help anyone she cares about. She is a gem of a friend and I will truly miss seeing her everyday. You see Kenz isn’t just my friend, she was also my roommate! Kenz and I have been roommates since the fall of 2011 and it has been SO EASY to share my home with her! She is undoubtedly one of the easiest roommates in the world! She is quiet and cleans up after herself. Honestly my biggest complaint was that she is always cold and I am always hot so the air conditioner was not her friend in the same way it is mine! Ha! Things could be MUCH worse!

On Saturday I watched Kenz walk down the aisle from my prime viewing location - the very front. She was radiant. The tears welled up as this incredible woman and dear friend made promises to spend forever loving Jason with all her heart. Jason is a seriously blessed man. And Kenz is a lucky lady. Jason makes her lighter somehow - she laughs a little easier and acts a little goofier. They literally sparkle when they are together. It’s totally corny and adorably perfection. It was my honor to stand beside them and commit to encouraging them as they serve Christ together and walk into this new season of their lives. Being a bridesmaid is always WAY MORE FUN when you’re completely confident and wholeheartedly in love with the couple. So CHEERS to Rebecca and Jason - Mr. and Mrs. Madsen - this bridesmaid LOVES you!

the day nordys let me down

I love Nordstrom. I need to go on record and say that before I post the following rant that may lead you to believe otherwise. You see, I am (currently, at least slightly, perhaps unfairly) disappointed in Nordstrom! I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and when the bride sent me a Nordstrom link to look at the front running dress, I was immediately excited. Bridesmaids dresses are usually a challenge (honestly, they are almost never fun), but I love it when the bride picks a great store instead of forcing us into the bridal salon experience where chances are you're buying something overpriced, in a bigger size than you'd like, knowing you'll literally never wear it again. I don't particularly like kissing hundreds of dollars goodbye. Nordstrom seemed so very hopeful and my heart soared. Momentarily. The disappointment set in when I clicked on the potential dress and there was a price range displayed: $189 - $240. Instantly I knew that could only mean one thing - plus size dresses are $51 more expensive. Now don't get me wrong, I understand there is some extra fabric required for a larger dress, but is it $51 worth of "extra" fabric...AND if that logic is accurate, then why isn't a size 2 less expensive than a size 16? Honestly. As if it isn't bad enough that I have to BE the fat bridesmaid, I also have to pay a hefty penalty fee on the bridesmaid dress? I am offended, there is just no way around it. I bought a size 18 at David's Bridal for Emily's wedding so I am hopeful that maybe I'll fit into the regular size 18 at Nordstrom and not have to pay the $240 price, but I suppose we'll have to wait and see when we try them on. The good news is that the dress looks good on skinny girls and plus size girls alike, and for that I shall say thank you to the bride!

wedding season here I come...

Earlier this week my dear friend Rebecca (aka. Kenz) asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding (she wrote me a tender note on the INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS Rifle Paper Co. Will you be my Bridesmaid? card - swoon). I am so excited and I know we'll have a blast celebrating this joyous season together, but can I be honest for just a minute and say that weddings have a distinct way of making me (us?) feel incredibly insecure. Being a bridesmaid can reach into the depths and dredge up the worst feelings I've ever had about myself. As soon as I saw the front of the card my brain immediately went to dresses and if they would fit and flatter, if they'd even have my size, if the number on the tag would be a devastating blow to my self-esteem. With that thought firmly planted, I moved onto contemplating the other bridesmaids and how pretty they may be. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but fending off that enemy is an incredibly hard battle to fight and often I lose. Wedding days involve hundreds of pictures that will likely adorn the walls of a dear friend for years to come and I do not want to be the girl that ruins them all with my diagonal chin. I know I can have beautifully painted nails, but that just doesn't seem like the most valuable beauty trait on wedding day. I'm sure that for weeks leading up to the wedding I'll be doing hair-trials and testing different makeup combinations to ensure I look the very best I can. On wedding day, I will walk down the aisle with as much confidence as I can muster and hope that the photos turn out well, but I will have to squash that little seed of doubt repeatedly. And I hate that. I hate that I (we?) give in to all that. Kenz didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid because she thought I would look pretty in her pictures, she asked because we have shared life together, because we are friends that have laughed through great adventures and cried on hard days, we have made memories and been a constant presence throughout the current season of life - and THAT is not based on looks. We are so much more than what size dress we wear, how good our hair looks, or how perfectly our makeup is applied. This wedding season, I'm going to do my darndest to embrace the beautiful I know I am, I'm going to take pictures with Kenz and my Gan (she is also a bridesmaid, HELLO GOOD TIMES) and cherish the memories without letting the little seed of doubt steal my joy. I am going to overcome my inner critic and just celebrate...WEDDING SEASON HERE I COME!