the peaks and valleys of 30...

For my 30th birthday, Emily (my #bestforlife) gave me a necklace that says Happy30life. I claimed it as my hashtag for the year and have done my best to live in the midst of that. So here it is. The bullet point list of peaks and valleys from my big-bad-3-0. 

Tomorrow brings 31 and a new hashtag #shellisfunat31...

— a surprise party with the most amazing cake

— an epic weekend away with my bests for wine tasting and champagne - my fav! 

— CHOSEN continues strong and finishes year 1 with 16 teens

— Steven and Lindsey get married and I have a super hot date (thanks for coming best!) 

— FINALLY move into the master bedroom and LOVE it so much! 

— new roommates

— copious quantities of coffee with the biola loves

— headaches

— Sara comes to California and I am by her side for the beginning of her weight loss journey

— a baby shower for sweet Juliette and her mama my lifelong friend Jennifer Leigh

— even worse headaches

— TLC 2016 (my favorite weekend of the summer) 

— the worst headaches EVER

— the Swopes of Hawaii spend a month in California and I love on little, bitty, and tiny a TON

— Carrielove comes to California - hello double ice-cream, bike rides, the great balloon, and T.Swift! 

— sweet Juliette is born and I love that little lady! EEK! 

— ROOTED rocks

— Breakfast dates are my fav

— CHOSEN year 2 kicks off with 24 teens and we add service projects and they’re amazing! 

— Amanda falls in love with Tanner Wayne Roth (and soonly they get engaged)

— lots of broadway with Ally

— loads more coffee and a (greek food) park picnic with the biola loves, yes please! 

— Susan came to California and we spent one glorious evening together. Perfection! 

— Gan gets married

— Mands asks me to be a bridesmaid and wedding festivities kick into HIGH GEAR

— Adelynn turns 1 and Anna lives! (my heart still kind of can’t process that one) 

— Kimie Lynn shows up on my doorstep and made me cry the biggest happy tears. I hate Texas.  

— Frozen on Ice with Izzy Mae (and her mama) to celebrate her 4th birthday - is it possible that she is 4, really?! 

— breakfast and catching up with BOTH Mindy and Melody when they’re in town for the holidays = a dream

— the Swopes of Hawaii are HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

— Rachel moves home from Australia - and I SQUEEZE HER TIGHT!!! 

— TONS of movies with J - our annual attempts to see all Oscar Best Picture nominated films are my fav

— last coffee date of the year with Mands - an annual tradition I cherish on NYE

— DISNEYLAND with the Swopes - in ponchos and rain boots - memories for a lifetime 

— the loveliest bridal shower for Mands (and a budding friendship with Shleybee) 

— Lisa Laid comes to town - so we catch up over a drink (she’s a mama of 3 after all) 

— TONS of beganwithabow design work for #tamanda2016

— lunch dates with Shalina and Liam are my fav

— Tyler Swope marries Bree and I get a new cousin - AND SHE IS A DELIGHT! 

— the world shifts at AkinsParker which means a new title, perhaps a promotion, and I will take it all

— Amanda’s day of treats and more bridal party fun

— still tons of headaches

— the #greatcardiparty for 2016 means LOTS of cleaning out the closet since I’ve lost 90 lbs.

— Amanda looks amazingly beautiful and stunningly radiant as she says “I do” and becomes Mrs. Amanda Roth

— the Shell + J Oscar Party Extravaganza

— as much time with friends as possible - they are my heartbeat - and where I find so much joy 

30 has been a challenging year - one of growth, one of letting go, one of tears and heartbreak and yet when I look at that list there is so much good as well. The Lord is so faithful and I want to choose to live in that FULLNESS instead of focusing on the loss or the sorrow or the pain. So here’s to 31 and all that is in store! I am sure it will be far more than I can begin to ask or imagine and I will rejoice in all He has prepared for me.

shellybean and mands...

On June 4, 2014 Rooted Beta kicked off at EvFree and I met this amazing girl named Amanda. I didn’t know it then - but she would soon become one of my best friends and someone who would touch my heart and forever change my life. Today everyone who knows me well knows about my Mands and how near and dear she is to me. She is one of my people. One of my four. She will be a matron of honor in my wedding (someday - let it be soon Lord!) and she and I will spend a lifetime loving one another whether nearby or from afar. But that is the end of the story…

On October 26, 2014 Amanda Jennifer Young, one of my very favorites and one of my closies, joined me in the world of 29-and-single. We lived well there together, sharing the weight when it felt suffocating and like no one else could understand - we knew we had each other and that was a tremendous gift. In November I shared about rooted in church but somehow the story gravitated towards the unexpected goodness and graciousness of our Father and His abundant gifts. Amanda and I met through rooted and ultimately she was the friend I didn’t even know to ask for but needed desperately. In a space of life that felt more lonely and isolated than I could have expressed, God provided Mands. We have opposite personalities, but the same heartbeat for the Lord and people. It really is a beautiful and profoundly amazing thing. As I shared that Sunday morning and Amanda sat front and center cheering me on, I announced to the entire congregation that we we were 29-and-single (which MORTIFIED my Mands who happens to hold all her cards close), I was just so overwhelmed by the amazing provision of the Lord in the midst of the hard. I have found a multitude of reasons to stand in awe since then. The Lord has been so good to me and Mands - our friendship is challenging to describe because it is infinitely more than I deserve. It is founded on truth and rooted deeply in walking together towards the Lord. Never have I had a friend who speaks truth so loudly in my life or champions for my heart in such magnificent ways. She sees me and knows me deeply and yet has chosen to stay, to love me steadfastly and somehow still thinks I am beautiful. I know I am blessed beyond measure to walk alongside her and get to share this life both the mundane and the extraordinary as her friend. The other day she called me one of her wonderfuls…I will probably never forget it. 

On March 12, 2015 I turned 30…and single. 

On June 4, 2015 Mands and I celebrated our 1st friendiversary. She posted a tribute on Facebook and it was darling. We definitely value this amazing gift the Lord has given us in one another. We do not take it lightly, and I pray that never changes! 

On October 11, 2015 I got a text message from 10 time zones away, from a guy named Tanner Wayne Roth. I had heard lots about this Tanner fellow over the past several months. The first murmurs of this guy came in May when Amanda was in the airport and with just the slightest bit of excitement in her tone she said “I’ll have to tell you about my buddy Tanner”. In June, I knew she would marry Tanner Wayne Roth. I think in God’s gracious kindness, He gave me a long time to warm up to the idea that my dear sweet friend would be moving out of our season of singleness. In the most beautiful and amazing way possible, I got to watch Amanda fall in love. Tanner has been nothing but kind to me since he and Amanda started dating - the first time we had lunch together, I drove home in tears thinking we really could all be friends. It meant so much for my heart to feel that possibility.  There is undoubtedly a sense of loss as you approach one of your bests getting married. I’ve done this before. I know what it looks like. There is an undeniably surge of joy and extreme celebration because I LOVE Mands and this is her season and her dance and I am elated. However, it is also hard to know things will inevitably change and she has a Tanner now to tell all her stories to and she won’t need me or even want me in the same ways - she will have someone else to take her time and hold her heart and even if that is SO VERY RIGHT, it leaves me in the longing a little more alone than I was before. 

When that text came in from Tanner, I had been praying daily for Mands and her husband for almost a year. I had been praying for Mands and Tanner for several months. And though his text came as a total surprise, what it contained did not. It was full of words professing his heart for Amanda and the future the Lord had prepared for them and then questions about diamond rings and a proposal that was not far off. My heart skipped a few beats and there were definitely some tears and then the prayers changed...I started to pray for Tanner - Amanda’s husband and for my sweet Mands as a wife. The weeks that followed were all kinds of fun as Tanner and I texted “covert operation style” and Amanda and I anticipated Tanner returning home from deployment and all the future could hold. She got girly and giddy and admitted she was in love and as a friend it was so fun to watch her trust her heart and let the good stuff in. 

On October 24, 2015 I went to Amanda’s birthday party eagerly anticipating her arrival - hoping for a diamond ring on her finger and fiancé Tanner Wayne Roth by her side. The celebration quickly changed from Happy Birthday to CONGRATULATIONS and joy was in abundance.

On October 26, 2015 Amanda turned 30…engaged. 

The most beautiful part of this story is that 29-and-single really was our year. I was talking to Mands on the phone the other day, and through the tears I choked out that very thought. I really can’t help but think the Lord gave us that year. Just for us. We walked it together through every peak and valley. We held one another through the storms and it built the foundation for all that is to come. We learned how to love well, how to trust, how to stay. And now even though there is a Tanner, and she is not at all single and I am VERY MUCH still in that season, there is hope. She has promised I am not losing a friend this time and I think I can believe her. On Saturday alongside a picture of an amazingly gorgeous ring on her finger, she sent me a text that said, “we both love you” and Tanner later told me he watched her send it and echoed the sentiment. I don’t know what is really in store but I know that I couldn’t be happier for my dear sweet friends and I couldn’t be more honored to have walked through this chapter with them and I am truly overjoyed and elated for the story the Lord has perfectly crafted and ordained for their future. Mands is pretty much as good as they come and Tanner has blown me away. So cheers to bridal showers and bachelorettes and wedding planning with one of my favorites. Cheers to a lifetime of loving the Lord and serving one another. Cheers to friendship that lasts far beyond the wedding day. Cheers to Tamandly (that’s Tanner, Amanda, and Shelly in combo) and countless memories and adventures - I am unspeakably grateful (apparently with a 1,336 word count)!

THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF...

This weekend was slightly beyond comprehension…I still sort of feel like perhaps it was a dream. My friend Carrielove flew in on Saturday from North Carolina. For a year we have been talking about a repeat visit to Balboa Island for bicycles and Balboa Bars and Saturday was the day… 

I picked her up from John Wayne just after 11am and we headed to a McDonalds for a quick outfit change, makeup touchup, and sweet tea (I was already armed with Starbucks as I had delivered morning caffeination to amazing Amanda forever Young who was ROCKING the International Student Ministry Furniture Giveaway…I literally pulled out of the parking lot in tears - I can’t even begin to encapsulate how incredible it is to watch people meet Jesus and to know one of my closies gets to be His hands and feet in such a real way to so many from around the world…so immensely monumental and astoundingly beautiful). Carrielove thought perhaps she should just stay groggy but I reminded her it was only 11am in sunny southern California, so she proceeded with quick consumption of liquid energy - and thanked me MANY TIMES later…little did we know. From there we headed straight to Balboa Island for ice-cream. DELICIOUS. We then took the ferry and rode the ferris wheel (the world’s longest ferris wheel according to all the hype) and rented our bikes. Pink for Carrielove, mint green for me, and when the guy told us our bike lock code would be 1989 we just couldn’t contain our joy. Even our bike lock code was perfection - thank you very much TSwitft. We rode the boardwalk to Crow Burger Kitchen (which we expected to be much further than it really was) and were seated next to a guy who I think might be a genius. He came to Crow alone…with his dog…the most well-mannered dog of all time. I mean no elbows on the table, not a sound, sat up straight the entire meal kind of dog. And this guy could get ANY GIRL he wanted with this darling canine sitting across from him, and the ladies, they came and they all oohed and awed. Like I said, genius. We fell prey to his antics and took a picture ourselves, what can I say. We ate the most delicious burgers and fries (green bean fries for my gluten-intolerant friend due to cross contamination fears) and then jumped back on our bikes for a bit more riding (and by a bit I mean a LOT - I’m not sure our dairy-aires will ever be the same). We were super hot and sweaty and it was all kinds of glorious. We walked this rocky little ledge and took pictures and laughed and it was truly the perfect kind of beachy day. Just after 7pm we returned our bikes and caught the ferry back so we could consume our second Balboa Bar of the day - also delicious (though if truth be told, I couldn’t finish mine). We decided to call it a night and headed towards Target for some essentials before setting up camp at my house. 

At this point, we had been debating purchasing TSwift tickets for Monday night’s concert all day. I was admittedly being a smidge wishy-washy about spending the money and getting to LA after working all day, even though I knew it would be such a once-in-a-lifetime experience. As we pulled into the Target parking lot only minutes from my house, Carrielove got a text message…someone was offering us free tickets to Taylor Swift. It was approximately 8:15pm and dreams were about to come true. We got out of the car screamed, debated running inside Target to buy dresses, decided “ain’t nobody got time for that”, got back in the car and started driving while rapidly dialing Carrie’s friend to figure out all the details. Long story short, we spent the next hour or so on the road and arrived at the concert about 30 minutes or so after TSwift went on stage. We got to sit in a suite, so we didn’t deal with any concert traffic but just walked right up to our seats and got situated. We caught all the special guests and it was ridiculously amazing. I kept looking over at Carrielove and saying, “Is this happening? Are we really at a Taylor Swift concert?” It was insane. I think it’s the kind of story we’ll be telling when we’re 80-years-old. Remember that time when… oh man. We could have spent the money to go to the concert tonight, we could have made crazy costumes and we would have had a total blast…but I have a feeling that the spontaneous trip to see TSwift in our beach grubbies with salt water blown hair  and a total price tag of $5 for parking will forever be a memory that will make us smile until it hurts. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF.

#happy30life

It happened. March 12 came and I turned 30. And honestly it didn’t hurt that much either. The day dawned with far more hope than I could have ever anticipated. It was almost as if 29 left and took the disappointment with it. 30 brought a new decade, one in which I could potentially meet my husband and start a family, or just travel a lot, maybe pay off those darned student loans, I could write that children’s book, make a new friend, see a new country, definitely pick up my camera a lot more, I could actually get beganwithabow.com up and running and post designs on etsy, return to Europe, visit Sara and Emily and Susan and my Hawaii fam, maybe be in a couple weddings and witness a few births, start saving for the adoption that I pray will be part of my future, drink a TON of coffee and eat some dark chocolate peanut butter cups too. Instantly it all seems far POSSIBLE and I don’t feel like I’m racing against some proverbial clock.

For my birthday, my friend Emily gave me a necklace that says Happy30 and it is the inspiration for my hashtag for the year: #happy30life. I’m claiming this year as one of joy and celebration. I’m taking back my heart. I’m choosing to re-steady my feet and lean into all the Lord has for me. I can chase after the riches of this world or I can rest in the FULLNESS of His best for my life whatever that looks like - even if it isn’t conventional and doesn’t seem the same as the lives of those around me. I am celebrating the life I have. Today. This moment and all the possibilities this year holds.

I am 30...HERE IT GOES!