Henri did it again.

I read my first Henri Nouwen book in college - At the Name of Jesus - and was floored. I think I read it twice, straight through. My copy is highlighted and underlined and has multi-colored flags all along the side. It will forever be one of my very favorite works and I recommend it highly. Henri Nouwen immediately become one of my all-time favorite authors. I have since read many of his other works and I hold fast to my immediate determination that virtually anything that comes from his pen is deeply rooted in Truth and will re-directs my feet toward the straight and steady path.

Yesterday I knew I would be spending some time with the neurologist, which is bound to be a downer, so I brought along a Nouwen I had yet to read. I scoured pages 1 - 90 while in the waiting room - underlining and turning corners at an unfathomable rate. I needed this book desperately - a reminder that we are CHOSEN, BELOVED, BROKEN, & GIVEN. I pictured the faces of my CHOSEN teens and the Rwandan campers I hold so dear - the words on these pages sing to them as they do to me - YOU ARE CHOSEN, YOU ARE CALLED BELOVED. Your days have meaning and purpose and validity and your brokenness is unique to you, it is part of what makes you an individual and no one else can possibly understand it - but it is not wasted - it is mighty and it is part of what He is writing to shine His glory on earth. Oh my goodness the beauty of being distinct and called to more.

“Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time - our brief, logical existence - but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity. life is a God-given opportunity to become who we are, to affirm our own true spiritual nature, claim our truth, appropriate and integration the reality of our being, but most of all to say “YES” to the One who calls us Beloved.” 

Oh HN. Thank you for setting my heart on fire and course-correcting me once again. I applaud you and am SO GRATEFUL for your rich collection of truth and the ways you have been used to direct so many toward the One who has called each of us and is drawing us toward Kingdom work here and NOW!

nice girls and WORLD CHANGERS...

It is March 13 and I have added another book to my COMPLETED list for 2017! WAY TO GO SHELL! When I moved into my new home in late February, sweet Andrea (my new roommate) had left a darling little book in my windowsill - she’s a gem! It was short and sweet, but packed with good reminders to be GROUNDED in TRUTH and to be a STRONG AND CONFIDENT WOMAN of God. 

Here are a few of my FAVORITE quotes from "nice girls don't change the world" by Lynne Hybels (she just happens to be shauna niequist's mama!) 

whereas a nice girl tends to live according to the will of others, a good woman has only one goal : to discern and live out the will of God. a good woman knows that her ultimate calling in life is to be part of God’s plan for redeeming all things in this sin-touched world.

I hope you realize how much your family, your friends, your church, your community and this world need YOU. Don’t allow who you truly are to be lost, buried, or devalued. What is in you matters. What is most truly you matters. You have learned lessons, experienced pain, known joys, and gained a perspective nobody else has. You have an answer to the world’s needs that is YOURS ALONE. 

…the opposite of a nice girl is not just a good woman, but a downright dangerous woman. a woman who shows up with everything she is and joins the battle against whatever opposes the redeeming work of God in our lives and in the world. a dangerous woman delves deeply into the truth of who she is, grounds herself daily in the healing and empowering love of God, and radically engages with the needs of the world.

Isn’t that SO seriously inspiring. I tend toward being a NICE girl, but I’m working on letting my voice being enough (thanks Amanda) and remembering that the Lord has given me everything I need to be a World Changer…

shell can read...

I am trying with fervor to read one book a month at a minimum. So far, so good.

In January I successfully finished “The Broken Way: a daring path into the abundant life” by Ann Voskamp. It was a valuable read that reminded me to live poured out and given away - to choose to draw near to others and share the hard. Through the most vulnerable and heart-wrenching spaces in our lives, God can shine mightily for His glory. It says that same thing for another 200+ pages - in different words and in different ways. It is beautifully written and it pulled at my heart strings many times. You now have the basic underlying current. If you need that message - read it! 

February brought “She Reads Truth: holding tight to permanent in a world that’s passing away” by Rachel Myers and Amanda Bible Williams. I do not have enough good things to say. OH MY GOODNESS this book is a MUST BUY. It is packed full of Scripture. There are countless reminders of Truth and why we choose to fill our minds and hearts with the knowledge of WHO we are in Christ so we can stand firm in times of trouble, so we are shaken but do not crumble. 

“She reads Truth to find Jesus. And He is there, on every page, greater than her trumps and shame, vaster than her needs and her pain. Those are real to be certain. But they are the partial, the passing away. Jesus-and Jesus alone-is the Perfect and the Permanent. The Truth does not magically erase her suffering or cure her disappointment. It does not negate her struggle or invalidate her sorrow. It does something even better - it leads her into relationship with the One who made her and makes her new, the One who is greater than all of these. The Truth brings her face-to-face with the God who has never shopped loving His children, who has never failed to dow hat He says He will do. The Truth is love in black-and-white - a love that does not change, even when her Bible is closed.” 

If that doesn’t inspire you to a: read the book or b: pick up your Bible and start faithfully filling your heart with Truth, I am not sure what will! I am so grateful to have spent the time saturating in the words shared by these incredible women of faith. Their stories will make you cry and the Scriptures they share will remind you that we can press on toward the goal, running with endurance the race marked out for us. They speak with boldness and confidence and yet are real and honest and vulnerably give their stories away. 10 chapters of raw, life changing, courage, CALLING out for women to get on their knees and choose Jesus by starting with Scripture and a heart and mind that can recall His promises in the moment you just might need Him the most. What an anthem. 

Next up...nice girls don't change the world. 

thoughts on hope {hope heals}

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” 

Hebrews 6:19

Katherine Wolf must be the ultimate ROCKSTAR and her husband the greatest supporter of all time. Both completely dependent on the Lord and clinging firmly to Him to sustain and provide in the midst of the horrendously terrible and horrifically disappointing, a time of loss beyond comprehension. They chose to write their story that others might see Him provide abundantly throughout their tragedy and that their hope might reveal His perfect plan even though the human hurt is real and loss is abundantly present. 

Their book is exceptional. Hope Heals : a true story of overwhelming loss and an overcoming love is worth every second you'll spend completely immersed in it's pages. I laughed, I cried, I found myself deeply moved. I was encouraged and inspired. I heard a podcast with Katherine before purchasing the book and the joy in her voice is infectious. She triumphantly exclaimed “woohoo” on multiple occasions and you could just tell she is truly grateful to be alive, to be telling her story, to be used by God for a specific purpose even if it isn’t the one she originally envisioned. She doesn’t claim it is easy, she doesn’t sugarcoat the horrible awful, but she does find Him in the midst of it. She is grateful for the Scripture hidden in her heart, for the redemption of a future that looks different but is still beautiful and good, for a God that is present at every twist and turn. 

“As we progressed through all the pain together we found God in the midst and were surprised to find that our hearts did not have to shrink in self-defense. Rather, as our hearts were filled to overflowing with the comfort we so desperately needed, our burgeoning hope could spill out to those in need. We who were the receivers became the givers, and in so giving were continually refilled and encouraged by the realization that none of our suffering would be wasted.” 

I am just about the leakiest vessel there is for hope it seems. This girl who was once described as “exuding joy” feels so much more like a dark cloud that cannot seem to fend off the rain. THEN I read a book like this and feel even MORE defeated in my inability to shine in the midst of the storm. Gaaaaaaa. So here is my prayer, Lord - I BELIEVE, HELP ME IN MY UNBELIEF. Give me hope. Let it refuel and encourage me in this present suffering that I may KNOW You will carry your work on to completion and none of this will be wasted, but it will be used for a tremendous purpose for your great glory, and a beautiful story will be crafted from the pain. Help me trust that You will reveal your perfection within me in the very best timing and all will become known. Give me strength to carry on and to rest in You as I walk forward in Your light giving my all to the live you have laid out before me.

thoughts on suffering {828}

Over the weekend I read the book 828. By the title alone I gathered that the book would be about how the Lord works all things together for good - a message of hope - and one my heart really needs to hear at this particular moment in time. And yet as I sit and reflect on the underlying current and message, the truth is the book was really about suffering - perhaps even CHOOSING suffering - for in that place, the beauty of Christ and His purest, unending love was found to be faithful and enough. It is probably fair to say we would like to walk through life unscathed, and yet we are promised this will not be the case. We are guaranteed in this world we will have trouble, but take heart, He has overcome. We have been reminded to rejoice in our suffering knowing that it produces endurance, which produces character, which produces hope - and hope does not put us to shame. WE WILL SUFFER. 

828 is the story of Ian and Larissa - they met in college and fell in love - before the car accident that left Ian in a coma - ultimately diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury and catastrophic physical and cognitive losses. Larissa was already in love with Ian and as she prayed and sought the Lord, He deepened her desire to stand by him even if there was no other side. The story ends with Larissa marrying Ian (and that isn’t a spoiler by the way, it’s in the intro) with “in sickness and health” removed from their vows knowing the “in health” would never be a reality of their married life. She didn’t marry a man who could take care of her in the practical ways, but she married the man the Lord set apart for her, and the man the Lord purposed for her, and the man who daily shows her more about the character of Christ and helps her grow in His likeness. They chose suffering - and they reveal His glory. 

Their journey was laced with heartbreak and loss and their story is an inspiration. I relate to so much of it even though our situations look so very different. I constantly found myself underlining and highlighting and turning up corners, my heart empty and dry and somewhat lost in a desert season of my own. I might not be watching the love of my life suffer in a hospital bed, trapped in his own body, but I am wondering what story the Lord is writing with my life and beyond question it is easy to feel like this life looks nothing like I ever anticipated. In turning to Him for the answers to the deepest and most painful questions, we find He is waiting in the sorrow, and gently reminding us that He is good and in His time, He will fulfill every purpose He has for us in beautiful and extraordinary ways. 

Love doesn't give up. Love keeps going. 

- - - - - - - - - - 

Even if my heart and head are a mess, a hibernating truth exists somewhere down below all the layers of confusion- a truth that tells me He is for me because He died for me. Below the messiness of loss is the permanence of the gift and the Giver.

Living right next to fear is the very real excitement that God isn't finished. Even in the most desperate times, He keeps us from sinking into total despair. With each exhalation of fear, breathe in more of God as He moves in you! 

I'm human, so hope doesn't always come easily. I will wrestle for contentment in my heart hoping God will change my situation but knowing even if He doesn't, I will still be ok. 

What we can't always see in the lonely days and moments of despair is that God is emptying space in our hearts and refilling it with Himself, letting us see Him in small moments of joy. 

Are you pushing hard to do what you feel is expected of you by man? God is the only one who is going to get you through this. 

Waiting is where beauty and character grows. 

I am walking in step with a God who is bigger than me and whose purposes cannot be turned awry. His enjoyment of me has nothing to do with my works. 

Losses met by well-timed graces mingled themselves into a heart that was sorrowful yet tried to always be rejoicing. 

Being a faithful friend means tackling the effort because that kind of love is willing to encompass all challenges. 

The path has already been laid out. Simply lay back and let mercy carry you. 

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Ps. 138:8

thoughts on choosing silence {the thing about jellyfish}

I finished another book - which means I am still just two books behind for my 12 books in the year goal. WOOT. (By the way, that goal sounds absolutely ridiculous - one book / month - that’s totally weak sauce. But I guess since I work full time, and invest in people and ministries, and have a tv habit that we won’t address right here right now, one book per month is attainable and we don’t want to dream big and not hit it out of the park…I’m in the run a 1k club after all…).

Last weekend I went to visit my parents at Carlsbad State Beach - one of my very favorite places on earth - and I read an entire book while I was away (for a whopping 22 hours mind you). You can either call me a fast reader, or I can wholeheartedly admit that the book was a breeze. It’s 352 pages so way to go me…except that it’s at a 5th grade reading level… so, there is that! ha! My friend Shan had loaned me “The Thing About Jellyfish” and since it’s fundamentally about processing death from the perspective of a Junior High student, and I work with teenagers who have been touched by the foster system, I decided to invest the time. It was heartfelt and endearing and also provided perspective on how to ask potentially helpful questions and really come alongside in a time of sorrow or moment when things just do not make sense. 

So much of life is harder and heavier than we think and explaining death to a junior higher is nonsensical. The key takeaway for me was this moment in the book when the central character felt totally unheard and unseen in the midst of the chaos. She had just lost her best friend and as she was grappling to try and understand, the explanation her mom gave was, “these things just happen.” While the statement may have been true enough - to a broken and shattered little heart - that wasn’t an answer - she was shut down and shut out. So she chose to stop sharing - she chose silence and started to navigate her grief and her emptiness alone - searching for answers in her own way. There is part of me even in adulthood that totally relates - there have been these moments when I feel like I’ve been screaming and begging someone to understand and finally it just clicks - no one hears me - so I contemplate how good it would feel to just disappear - to just run away and shut everyone out and choose silence. In a more mature and comprehensive space, we can take a moment and do some soul-searching and self care and come to the realization that perhaps that isn’t the healthiest approach - but for this sweet little junior high girl who was so overwhelmed by the swirling, it was the only option that was graspable. 

I definitely do not miss junior high. Those were some of my least favorite years for so many reasons - from awkwardness to lost friendships to Y2K - it was all a big nightmare. So if you have a couple hours and you’re up for flashbacks of some really bad bangs and rompers that were NOT in style - pick it up. I think it’s worth the read! 

thoughts on pain & perseverance {looking for lovely}

When I fly, I read. Period. I read an entire book on my way to San Francisco - and it was SO worth reading. It was my 3rd book of the year, so if I can finish another one this month (unlikely, let’s be honest) I’ll be caught up with my “read a book a month” plan…but summer is coming and television is TERRIBLE in the summer so my reading typically takes a bit of a spike! 

While waiting to board and sitting on that plane (for not very long at all), I took in wisdom and humor and a whole lot of heart from Annie Downs. I cried along with her in several moments and found much of myself scrawled across her pages. I also found myself moved by all the ways the Lord used her brokenness and honesty in the midst of her struggle to reveal the work He has accomplished in me and give me glimpses of how far I have come. 

She talks about how she ran away from pain and pushed it down - in the Lord’s infinite grace and presence, He has taught me how to embrace pain and live fully in the midst of it. I have BECOME because of it. It doesn’t mean I like it, but I am definitely a more significant person because I have learned to walk closely with Jesus through challenges far beyond what I would have ever envisioned. “My capacity to see beauty has increased in a much bigger way than the pain I felt. My ability to feel the depths of something good was strengthen by my choice to feel the depths of pain. The more I hang on and feel, the more I am able to feel.” 

I used to be a bit of a pretender, but in the past few years I have definitely seen the Lord break that in me and ask me to be honest. To let people in. To trust those I love with the hard in my life. It took me a while, but I have given away big pieces of my heart and I have seen Him use that in mighty ways. That vulnerable and exposed has brought depth to friendships and allowed growth I could have never anticipated. It is hard and painful, but my goodness it is rich and undoubtedly of Jesus. “It’s not about pretending everything is beautiful and nothing is ugly and you have no questions or doubts and picking out the beautiful in your everyday is going to protect you from anything hurting ever. It’s about feeling the pain, letting the sufferings be a part of your life, embracing the Romans 5:3 moments so you can process through the Romans 5:4 days so you live a Romans 5:5 hope-filled life. There is beauty in choosing to feel pain, in calling hurt what it is, and not pretending everything is okay. Whatever tragedy you have experienced or are currently living through, the most beautiful thing you can do is LIVE. Keep walking, keep weeping, keep eating. Don’t ignore the hurt. Don’t attempt to avoid it and just move on with your life. Feel it all, and invite people in to feel it with you.” 

I am definitely a crier and I so related to Annie when she talked about ALL THE TEARS. This particular section of the book was about singleness and how even though she is grateful for her beautiful life, it is difficult to hope - perhaps impossible to hope - that there is a joy coming that will ever outdo the quantities of tears that have been shed over the hard and lonely and heartbreaking that exists here. But even in that she gave the following admonition and I will cling tightly to this and perhaps even claim this verse as another nugget of truth to get me through the darkest days.

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. Psalm 125:5-6

“When my heart is broken and I am weeping, when tragedy hits and I feel like the tears will never stop/ when I feel like I’ve cried an ocean, the Bible says they are just seeds. Then the seeds are covered in dirt, and persevere through the season of growth. There’s that perseverance. That reminder not to give up. Because somehow I sow tears and reap joy. And the joy will be greater.”

If you have time, it is absolutely worth taking a moment (or two - but seriously I read it on the way to San Fran so it isn't a HUGE investment we're talking about) to read Looking for Lovely and allowing your heart to be unlocked by truth - inspired by a dear woman of God navigating the storm and finding ways to rejoice even in the midst of the darkness. The Lord met her as she clung to Him and used her story to remind me of His great faithfulness and constant presence throughout my winding road as well. What a GREAT GOD we are loved by and what an honor to be His child. 

thoughts on loving {for the love}

I just finished my second book of the year (I am technically a bit behind and should be wrapping up my 3rd, but since the tagline of the book is FIGHTING for GRACE in a world of impossible standards, we're just gonna let that one go.) and it was SO good. I have heard much about Jen Hatmaker and For the Love did not disappoint. It was a wonderful blend of hilarious and heartwarming with so much truth weaving all throughout and more inspiration and application than I ever anticipated.

I bought the book long ago and let it sit in my book basket for far an embarrassing amount of time, so when I got a text from Anna asking me if I had read it and that she had started to dive into its pages, I was up for the challenge of reading it together. Now, let me be honest and say we basically only texted about it during the chapter that discussed Leggings as Pants and Tights as Leggings when I was laughing so hard I found it surprisingly difficult to breathe, but it was a great motivational kick-start to getting into the book!

There is so much meat contained within the 207 pages and countless beautifully articulated thoughts, that it's hard to select a theme that resonated most profoundly; but perhaps the concept that spoke most distinctly to my heartbeat surrounded this idea that "Love is really the most excellent way." I am undoubtedly a person who loves big and hard and loud and deep. I've talked countless times about my capacity for love and how it is perhaps my greatest gift from God. Throughout the pages of this book I found freedom and great joy in the honor it is to love people in His name. "Because life is hard, people get to show up for one another as God told us to, and we remember we are loved and seen and God is here and we are not alone. We can't deliver folks from their pits, but we can sure get in there with them until God does." I have learned to see and love hurting people. To come alongside in moments of need. To rejoice and to mourn. I don't have to live an extraordinary life to love. I can do that regardless of situation or circumstance. Love is free and can be generously poured out. "A worthy life involves loving as loved folks do, sharing the ridiculous mercy God spoiled us with first. It means restoring people, in ordinary conversations and regular encounters. A worthy life means showing up when showing up is the only thing to do." I can live a worthy life. Love can be my calling, my adventure, my best gift. "Be tender toward people. Empathizing is the key to a wholehearted life. God measures our entire existence by only two things: how we love Him and how we love people." It sounds so simple when it comes down to only two things. Absolutely it is complicated and messy and painful and hard, but it is beautiful and wonderful and a journey worth taking. I choose to love.

At the close of the book, there is a list of encouragements to empower women in this great day where we can walk more boldly with endurance alongside an inspiring community and invest in the potential for change like never before. We can be part of something tremendous for the kingdom. He is at work and we get to see radical and miraculous things happening all around us.

"Overcome. Endure. Outlast. Shine. Lead. Risk. Show up. Speak up. Stand up. Chase down dreams right in the middle of living your life. Choose to lift up rather than tear down. Find ways to love God and people across generations, cultures, countries and obstacles. Do hard things in invisible trenches. Open your hands and give it all away - esteem, honor, attention, love. Point each other to God and call out our blessedness."

I want to be that kind of woman. To be described by such strong and meaningful words. To have a full life that reflects Christ as I choose to Love God and Love People in His name. Now, go buy your copy and get to underlining! It really is SO worth reading! (And feel free to text me when you get to Leggings as Pants and Tights as Leggings - OH MY GOSH - it will be your best laugh all week, guaranteed!)

thoughts on friendship {nobody's cuter than you}

Contrary to what I so often represent on this blog, I actually DO read books (in addition to watching a ridiculous amount of somewhat questionable television and listening to copious quantities of podcasts) and have always loved to read. Do any of y’all remember those amazing contests in elementary school where you would earn personal pan pizzas for reading? I was the QUEEN of those! Anyway, I finished a book over the weekend because the weather was absolutely delightful and beckoned me to grab my World Changers quilt and an iced coffee and come outside to read - and for the first time in a really long time - I actually had the space in my life to listen! 

I finished the most heartwarming book, “Nobody’s Cuter than You” by Melanie Shankle, the author of the Big Mama blog. It’s a memoir about the beauty of friendship and anyone who knows me knows #friendsaremypeople. I am so grateful the Lord has been abundantly gracious to me and allowed me to walk closely alongside some of the most extraordinarily beautiful women I have ever met. “You hear so many people talk about finding their soul mates only in relation to who they marry, but I think that, as women, our real soul mates are often found when we recognize some version of ourselves in someone else.” I have been gifted with friends who truly feel more like family, who through the most beautiful and heart wrenching moments of my life have found ways to see me through. I am almost 31 and don’t have a husband. I’ve never been in a relationship, and I know the meaning of loneliness and longing. And yet these women have been my nearest and dearest. They have heard my heart, wiped my tears, carried my pain and made me laugh until it hurts more times than I can count. They have let me celebrate their joys, meet their husbands, hold their babies, and sit on their couches (sometimes way too late into the night). We have talked about utter ridiculousness like nail polish colors and lippy love and also the deepest and most profound parts of our hearts. We have shared countless meals and celebrated many a birthday or Christmas together. They are the very best part of life. They see the good, the bad, the beautifully ordinary, they know my ugly and yet they love me even still and often champion for the me I sometimes cannot even see. "A good friend will love you, support you, and cheer you on A good friend doesn't make you feel inadequate or like you're not good enough. A good friend won't dump you when someone better comes along or ask you to compromise who you are and what you believe. There are few things in life worth having as much as a few close friends, and it's worth trading popularity for authenticity.It's worth going deeper and finding people who will love you for your real, authentic, broken self."

Throughout the years, I have had to let some I’ve loved walk away, it has broken me and left me kneeling at the cross asking for His healing. That loss has also helped me realize the treasure it is to have true friends and the importance of loving them well. "Ultimately, the only way to immerse yourself in true, deep friendship is to be willing to jump in with both feet, arms wide open, for whatever it will be." I don’t love wondering if I will get hurt. I know the answer to that question. Humanity is a painful reality and yet we have the love of a Savior and in that love we get to give away pieces of our hearts. We get to entrust ourselves to the care of others and we get to see Him do things far more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. Loving is worth the cost. Walking through life together is worth the tears, worth the hard conversations, worth the growing that is required. And it is the good kind of hard. "Some roads we travel in life can feel like the ones that might break us but that's why God surrounds us with people who will cheer us on and wipe our tears and listen as we pour out our hearts. Because often, it's not what you say but what you do that really matters." Throughout the years, I have learned to show up, to love well, to pour out, to come close, to draw near. I have learned how to pray consistently, to listen often, to say less, to be intentional and consistent, to write their things on my heart and attempt to remember them later. I have learned to respond when the Spirit nudges and to DO that thing He asks because chances are that thing really does matter. I have learned the blessing of mourning when they mourn and rejoicing when they rejoice. 

So… to Anna, to Emy, to Carrie, to Mands, to J and to Shanzie, and to the many others who have held my heart and helped me navigate this life… I would not be the woman I am today without you. Thank you for teaching me so much about my heart, about how to love well, about what it means to celebrate others and the joy it is to cherish the people the Lord has placed in our path. Thank you for allowing me to be broken and honest and loving me through my flaws. Thank you for seeing the best in me and cheering me on. Thank you for feeling like home. " 'Your friendship was a miracle-wonder, love far exceeding anything I've known - or hope to know' (2 Samuel 1:26, The Message). Ultimately, that's what God has given us in the people he has placed in our lives as He knits our souls with theirs: a miracle. A grace-filled, life-changing, soul-refreshing miracle..."

Now…go read the book, obviously it’s worth it…so so worth it…and love well…because my gosh friendship is a gift in abundance and a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends! 

book 5...check

"Were she better or you sicker, then the stars would not be so terribly crossed, but is the nature of stars to cross and never was Shakespeare more wrong than when he had Cassius note, 'The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / but in ourselves.' Easy enough to say when you're a Roman nobleman (or Shakespeare!), but there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars."

This is a quote from the incredible "The Fault in our Stars" by John Green - my latest read and one that felt almost sacred somehow. I found myself reading sections, pausing, turning corners so I could go back and re-read again. I laughed and cried and felt honored to take part in the story even as a simple bystander captivated by the intricate weaving of words. I read the book in one day. It could not be helped. The rest of this post shall be comprised of my favorite pauses from the tale of a young love that would be far too short in a world that is far too cruel.

"It seemed like forever ago, like we'd had this brief but still infinite forever."

"I am in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you..."

"You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you, but that is an insult to me. I know about you."

"It occurred to me that the voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that everything might be done better and again."

"She is beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers."

"There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and.112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2 or 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get and I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."

And just to finish this off on a slightly lighter note...

"Do you know what Dom Perignon said after inventing champagne? 'Come quickly: I am tasting the stars'."

Now it's your turn to read the 313 pages that surround this gorgeous and heavily weighted piece of fiction. Or if books aren't really your thing, I'm pleased to announce that it will be coming to a theatre near you in June.

books 2, 3, 4...check

Because it is award season (the Golden Globes are TONIGHT - my DVR is going to be really busy catching the countdown to the red carpet, the actual red carpet, the globes, and the E! after party - praise the Lord I can fast forward through the commercials!) I have been going to the movies more than usual and thus seeing a lot of previews for movies coming out in 2014. I had heard some buzz regarding the Divergent series, but once I saw the preview I knew I had to read them and QUICK since the movie comes out on March 21.

Over the last 8 days I completed the entire series. It was over 1,500 pages of action and adventure coupled with horrifying events, tragic discoveries, unending disappointments, harrowing questions, and determined love. The series takes place in a futuristic version of Chicago, which is unlike and very like the city we know and love; however, the governmental structure is quite different. There are five (5) factions each revering and upholding a specific virtue - Abnegation: selflessness, Erudite: knowledge, Dauntless: bravery, Candor: honesty, Amity: peace. At age 16 each student is required to participate in an aptitude test that reveals which faction he / she truly identifies with; but for Beatrice Prior, the results were inconclusive. Beatrice already knew she was different than her family, but now it was clear that she was different than most everyone else as well. As the political posture in the city begins to change and significant threats are posed, Beatrice must decide who she is, what she stands for, and how she is going to fight.

I thoroughly enjoyed the series. It is really easy reading and has a compelling plot that keeps you reading "just one more chapter". The characters are complicated and multi-faceted making them believable and engaging. I was a bit disappointed with the ending, but would definitely recommend the series and am looking forward to the movie! If you're a true fan, check out the blog of the author, Veronica Roth.

book 1...check

I have always loved to read. As a child I was especially fond of reading because it earned me personal pan pizzas, which in the Swope family, were an extremely rare and ridiculously special treat. I don't actually even like pizza that much - but I still remember the feeling of excitement and anticipation when I got to bring one home for dinner. I decided that I need to read more in 2014. I really love TV and it often distracts me from investing time in a good book, but I'm making a concerted effort to prioritize literature. I will be posting little "reviews" (if you can actually call them that) when I finish a book...so here is the VERY FIRST ONE!

Dark Places by Gillian Flynn
I'm not sure I can wholeheartedly recommend this book. Don't get me wrong, it was a fascinating read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. However, as the title implies, it is dark and somewhat horrifying. The book is intriguing and keeps you hanging on plot points until the very end. It is twisted and unpredictable. Overall the story has some redemption, but it is quite heavy and not for the easily disturbed. The author, Gillian Flynn, also wrote Gone Girl - a hugely popular book that is now being turned into a movie (to be released in October - starring Ben Affleck in case you were wondering). I read Gone Girl in 2013 and absolutely loved it, if you are wanting to try her on for style, I would start there.