love.

"The truth is the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry for goodness sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another and defying the impulse to jump ship."

SERIAL

I, Shelly Ann Swope, am a podcast junkie. I love them. I grew up listening to Adventures in Odyssey (which admittedly isn’t exactly a podcast but is a radio drama) and then Megan got me hooked on This American Life and The Moth which led to Radio Lab and Risk and most recently, Serial.

Serial is the number 1 podcast in the United States. 1 story told over 12 weeks. 5 million downloads and streams on iTunes - the fastest downloaded podcast in the history of Apple’s iTunes store. Serial investigates the 1999 murder of Have Min Lee - a high school student in Baltimore Maryland - and the conviction of her ex-boyfriend Adnan Syed who is currently in prison serving a life sentence. Adnan Syed to this day firmly claims his innocence and though convicted, there is no physical evidence linking him to the murder, merely the claims of a “friend” and some relatively questionable cell-phone records that were used by the state to place Adnan at the scene of the crime.

WARNING. If you haven’t listened to Serial, are interested in listening to Serial, are half-way through and super interested and therefore don’t want to know how it all works out in the end YOU SHOULD STOP READING NOW.

I finished listening to Serial this morning. I am sad. I am sad it is over. I am sad that there wasn’t a true conclusion. I am sad that there is potentially an innocent man in prison for a crime he did not commit. I am sad that ALL THESE YEARS LATER he is potentially STILL paying for the lies a so-called friend may have told about him. I am sad that if the serial killer did indeed kill Hae that he was released by the state ACCIDENTALLY and should have never been free in the first place. All of this was so entirely avoidable. Mistakes were made. Lives were lost. Extreme prices were paid.

Serial season 1 is complete and I LOVED it. I spent approximately 12 hours of commute time listening to the mystery unfold and I would start at the beginning and listen to the entire thing again. OH HOW I HOPE THERE IS A SERIAL SEASON 2. The podcast junkie in me is screaming for more. And let’s be real, I live in Orange County - my commute isn’t going anywhere so I need a good podcast to pass the endless hours of traffic! Until Season 2, I’m back to This American Life and The Moth - the old faithfuls - but I shall wait with bated breath for the next mystery to unfold and hope it is just as good as it’s predecessor!

30 days o' cardi || part 1

I have a lot of cardigans - they’re kind of my jam - I love them. Short sleeve, long sleeve, striped, solid, polka dot, floral, super long, buttons, open front, seriously CARDIGANS ARE MY FAV! So, in December I decided I would kick off the New Year with a 30 Day Cardigan Challenge. For this particular cardigan challenge I decided I would wear cardigans for 30 days straight #30daysocardi. I have ALMOST followed my rules. I bent them just slightly to allow for some weekend wear and determined I will just continue my cardi based fashion love until I hit the magic number 30 even if I am well into February (which I will be since it is January 21st and I am posting the FIRST installation of the cardi challenge which will include a grand total of 10 cardigans. For your information, to date I have worn a grand total of 12 cardigans [technically 14 but I didn’t take pics in 2 so they don’t count, I am a brutal judge, I know!]).

I must say that after reviewing these images, cardigans are still TOTALLY my favorite. They make getting dressed SO easy. Every outfit is cute. I’m almost always warm. Add a scarf or a necklace and the outfit changes entirely. Dress them up, dress them down - totes appropriate for work and still comfy enough for home. I mean seriously can we talk about the versatility! AHHHhhh. And a lot of YOU must love them too because my instagram is getting a LOT of love on these cardi posts.

2 more blog installations and a total of 18 days (and instapics) to go…

a not so ordinary Starbucks run...

WARNING…this blog will contain profanity. I don’t typically include curse words, but in this particular instance, the story will lose half it’s impact if I change the language!

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OK, so this is completely ridiculous and absolutely absurd but also HILARIOUS so I had to include it in my blog as a moment to look back on and just laugh…

I work at AkinsParker Creative, an advertising agency located in downtown Santa Ana, and there is a lot of “questionable” roaming our streets. We have even named some of our regulars - for instance - we have “Old Yeller” - the homeless man who literally walks up and down Broadway yelling. He isn’t yelling AT anyone or ABOUT anything in particular. He just yells. It’s his thing.

Yesterday at approximately 11:30am, a group of us walked to Starbucks for a morning pick-me-up - this isn’t at all abnormal; in fact, it’s something we do most every day. However, on our way back we were stopped by a homeless person I’d never seen before. He wasn’t paying any attention to street safety and traffic regulations (which, for the record, should be taken VERY seriously in DTSA - people will kill you if you cross when it IS your turn, so you better not be in the street if the walking man sign isn’t illuminated) and was meandering on Broadway and 3rd when he said to us, “I feel like socking one of you bitches if you don’t give me a dollar!” Stunned, we all kind of looked at the ground and didn’t say anything. He repeated himself for good measure, just to be sure we heard his message loud and clear and then moved along. It took everything in us to contain the laughter until we got inside the office at which point Travis, the token male who was with us at the time said to me, “I was about to ask you to hold my green tea...”

I think we laughed about this 10 second encounter for a good 30 minutes. Honestly, when was the last time you heard someone refer to punching as “socking” and has that ever been an effective method of getting people to give you a dollar? It has to go down in the books as one of my favorite trips to Starbucks ever…the day we were accosted by the homeless man…SO FUNNY! And thanks for being brave Travis - I’ll hold your green tea ANY DAY if you’re gonna get “socked” for me! ha!!

CHOSEN

I guess it’s time to really blog about CHOSEN. I have hesitated because there is SO MUCH to say and so little I can actually share. CHOSEN is a ministry I direct at EvFree Fullerton for teens that have been touched by the Foster Care System. I’ve been a counselor at Teen Leadership Camp for several years and last year I was named “Queen of Fun” and took on the responsibility of all things games and late night craziness. My heart for these kids is HUGE and the Lord has truly revealed a passion for them deep within me. I have known for years that I have the capacity to love kids that aren’t my own. I have prayed long and hard about adoption and truly believe that will be part of my story someday - it’s on the list of “make it or break its” for my husband - he has to be open to our family looking a bit unconventional but being exactly as God intends. That said, it wasn’t until TLC that I considered the possibility that foster care may ALSO be part of God’s plan for my family. Little by little He has used TLC and CHOSEN to deepen my love for these teens, to show me how desperately they need to be loved and how He has gifted me with a capacity for love that is far beyond what I am capable of on my own.

Conversations regarding starting a club for our TLC campers began in early 2014. There is an existing club for the elementary aged students, but nothing for the older kids. We see them for a total of three (3) days a year. And they LOVE camp. One of our teens even describes it as a family reunion. We always long for more time but it just isn’t feasible from a camp perspective - people can’t take additional days off work - the kids often have summer school and wouldn’t be able to extend their stay, there are all kinds of complications. So what about creating a club where the conversations could continue on a monthly basis? A youth-group type club where there are fun activities and games or crafts and food and a message and we get to see our campers all throughout the year? Possible? I SAID YES. CHOSEN officially launched in September 2014 and thus far has been a success story. Each club has brought new students and continued stories of opportunities to speak into and touch the lives of these teens who so desperately need to know that they are wanted.

This Saturday brought our January CHOSEN club - our fifth club thus far. The theme was GAMES GAMES AND MORE GAMES! Each teen and leader was placed on a color team and the teams competed against each other throughout the duration of club. Their first task was to come up with a team name and cheer! These kids are HILARIOUS. We had THE KILLER BEES, THE PALM TREES, BLUE CRUSH, and TEAM SCARED. Overall it was a HUGE success, well other than our fearless staff representative Connie falling within the first two minutes of game play, bouncing on the gym floor, and breaking her elbow that is! We played duct tape tag, marshmallow dodgeball, launched KIX cereal from our noses, shot rocket launchers, emptied boxes of tissues relay style, made chocolate unicorns out of ding dongs and heard the story of Eric Liddell and learned that living life for God’s glory is far more meaningful than just trying to win the prize.

To say that I love this ministry and these kids is putting it mildly. This is my heartbeat. I look forward to CHOSEN and put my all into planning and preparing for it. I have no idea what the future holds but I do know that I sincerely hope ministries like this continue to be available for teens who have experienced pain and loss like many of us cannot imagine. They are some of the most incredible individuals I’ve ever met - they are inspirational and I truly respect them for what they’ve come through and hope to be part of their journey for as long as they’ll have me!

OSCAR NOMINATIONS ARE LIVE!!

OSCAR NOMINATIONS WENT LIVE THIS MORNING and I for one am SUPER EXCITED! I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated for best picture so I have a LOT of movie watching to do in the next 38 days! Indeed friends, the countdown is ON. We have exactly 38 days to see as many nominated films as possible in preparation for the big event. I’m headed to Palm Springs next weekend to see Gan and I’m sure we’ll see at least one or two together!

The Best Picture Nominees are as follows:
American Sniper
Birdman
Boyhood
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Selma
The Theory of Everything
Whiplash

There are only eight (8) Best Picture nominees this year! That’s a small number so I am really hoping I can squeeze them all in! Out of ALL the movies up for awards period I have only seen Into the Woods and Gone Girl. Usually I have a lot more under my belt at this point in Award Season, but my life has been a bit hectic and full as of late and I haven’t spent a ton of time in the theater. Also, my girl Jennifer Lawrence isn’t in ANY of the nominated movies. Can we all just have moment of silence. It’s a little sad. I know. I will recover and find other people to root for, but seriously it’s a major red carpet loss.

ALRIGHT, it’s off to the redbox races for me…

a side of tears and a healthy handful of longing

There is a big looming question I get asked often and repeatedly. I think I hate the question because it typically comes laced with pressure and expectation and perhaps even judgement. It is a question that instantly makes me feel less valid or seen.  Like somehow this stage of life is my fault. I don’t fully understand the WHY of where I am, but I want so badly to trust and rest in the supremacy of God, knowing that He has the BEST for my life in His hands and will provide in His perfect timing. If you haven’t figured it out yet, the big question is, “have you started dating online yet?”.

As soon as the question is asked I have to start fighting tears. I will be 30 in less than 2 months. I have watched a lot of my friends get married, many of them have babies. I had visions of living THAT life alongside them. It isn’t happening. I will turn 30 with no husband and no possibility of children for quite some time. And though there is a sting that comes along with that, I’m trying to just live my best life - full and invested in others - with joy and enthusiasm. However, when the dating questions comes into play, I sink. I haven’t been asked out on a date since college. I guess there is this idyllic and fairyland part of me that still wants to feel wanted - like REALLY wanted - not like I raised my hand and said “PICK ME”. And I know times have changed and that’s where the dating scene exists these days, but it feels so empty, so statistical in nature and void of heartbeat. And I’m sure if I met my husband online all those feelings would instantly vanish and I would be SO GLAD I did it, but in the meantime there is this longing and gnawing desire to be noticed, recognized, celebrated for who I am - not just by the amazing women in my life, but by someone who could potentially be my spouse. That coupled with this deep sadness over the thought of having to potentially sign myself up for a husband.

So what do I do with that? Do I give in? Do I grab a bottle of champs, put on my cozies, fire up the laptop and succumb to the tears while creating my dating profile and just see what happens? Or do I stand my ground and wait for “the right one” to come along some other way, trusting that God will provide in the right time in the right way? Who am I to say that online dating isn’t the way it is going to happen? Is this all just pride? I wish I knew how to differentiate all the feels - it all seems so convoluted and dark and vastly unknown.

I do know this… I think I’m a catch, and I really would love to be married someday - and adopt or foster a couple kids to create my little family. I praise the Lord He planted that dream years ago so I don’t have to feel like my body is going to deny me when I’m ready to that next adventure. In the meantime, I’ll continue to be a darn good aunt shell and love every minute of it even if it comes with a side of tears and a healthy handful of longing and wishing for my turn.

THE GLOBES

MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR IS OFFICIALLY UPON US! I know for some people it's the holidays, but THIS GIRL is all about award season! The Golden Globes were last night thus officially launching us into all things celebrity fashion and nails and accessories galore. That stuff is not lost on me. I will most likely NEVER be in attendance at one of these events (unless I become best friends with Jennifer Lawrence or Ellen Degeneres decides I'm worthy of being on the red carpet - but I'm not holding my breath); but I hope I'm always the girl on the couch in her cozies eating a ridiculous amount of snacks and oogling all the gorgeousness. Last night the dresses DID NOT disappoint. However, the old hollywood throw back hair was far from extraordinary. Definitely not my favorite. It might have worked with the right dress, but the hair and dresses didn't seem to go in combo - personal opinion - I'm no Rachel Zoe. My very favorite dresses were the mostly neutrals with bits of flair. I think Anna Kendrick and Sienna Miller take my top 2 slots - Anna's dress is what dreams are made of and the beadwork on Sienna's is bar none! I had to throw in a couple bold color moves from Jenna Dewan Tatum and Felicity Jones and Emily Blunt rocked the best braids of the night! Ahh! So good! They were sophisticated but messy and she has the accent to make any hairstyle swoon-worthy! I'm still a smidge sad The Globes are over. I'm also a bit sad that Jennifer Lawrence didn't hit the runway. THANKFULLY, I don't have to be sad for long because Thursday morning brings Oscar nominations and then I'm off to the races in effort to see every nominated film! Anyone with me?

2015

It’s 2015. A New Year. That should somehow insinuate new hope and the aura of endless possibilities. Unfortunately I’m feeling a little more doom and gloom these days – can HP hand over the cloak of invisibility so I can just disappear for a while? I woke up on New Years Day thinking… Well, this is it. 2015. The year I turn 30…without a husband, or a house, or any potential for children, but with plenty of student loans to keep me company.  How utterly idyllic. I just love it when my head pops off the pillow that way. And this is where you can all stop me, you can say loving things about how my life has so much worth and value, and how great it is to be single because I can contribute and be present for my friends in such wonderful ways, and I can be invested and involved in ministry, and I don’t have to ask for permission when I go shopping. And you’d all be right. There are amazing things that come with this stage of life – a stage that many never get to enjoy. But there are also really hard things, things that it feels almost pointless to explain because if you haven’t been here, if you haven’t sat here, prayed here, cried here, perhaps you just can’t get it. And maybe you don’t have to. Maybe there is a place where it can be hard and disappointing and empty and sad and you can just care. Without fixing it. Without expectation that it will change. Because I will still go out there and live my one wild and adventurous life. FULLY. With great joy and enthusiasm. And I will be so grateful for the blessings along the way. And I will cheer and celebrate and be fully present. But I will also retreat to the quiet, honest, vulnerable space where it is ok to say that sometimes life isn’t quite what I expected. And the tears will come. And on my knees I will ask yet again for God to put me exactly where He wants me, and give me the strength and endurance to be who He is asking regardless of the circumstances. And He will faithfully meet me in that space; and if you’re up for the challenge, well, then you’re welcome there too. Cheers to 2015 and all it may bring; I’m not in the slightest bit ready, but time waits for no one so I’m facing reality one day at a time!

the greatest gift the internet has ever given me...

This is a blog post about the internet - the very best parts of the internet - the beautiful, unexpected, amazing opportunities we are afforded because of the internet - and the way the internet stole my heart.

At some point last year I started following a super cute shop on instagram - carolinegshop. Most of the posts were ridiculously bright and colorful. Carrie, the girl behind carolinegshop, has a slight obsession with bright pink and lime green and anything monogrammed. She loves Taylor Swift, cats, Kate Spade bags, and runs an accessory business. She is right up my alley. When she posted that she desperately wanted to come to California to meet Ellen Degeneres, I just couldn’t help but post a comment telling her I’ve done the Ellen thing and inviting her to come stay with me if she ever made her way out to CA. Yes, I invited a stranger to come into my home. A stranger from the internet. Carrie responded and asked for my email address. I think I was in shock - I was giddy and couldn’t believe she was responding to the crazy girl who is obviously completely oblivious to the concept of stranger danger. I gave Carrie my email address and a true friendship was born. We started writing back and forth and eventually exchanged phone numbers and the texting was out of control. Soon enough we were talking on the phone and trying desperately (and unsuccessfully I might add) to get tickets to Ellen. When she called and said she’d registered for the yellow conference the weekend before labor day and would for sure be coming to California, planning kicked into high gear and the excitement of actually getting to meet my dear, sweet friend was out of this world.

On Monday, August 25 Carrie landed at SNA and I was waiting in baggage claim. That hug was one I will never forget. I pulled her 2 pink suitcases off the carousel and we headed straight for Yogurtland to get a midnight (in North Carolina) pick-me-up and then get settled at my house. We had 10 glorious days together and I was determined to adventure through every last one of them! While Carrie was here we ate obscene quantities of Mexican food, had a stellar day at Disneyland while wearing pink Minnie ears, eating our body weight in cotton candy, and riding the Matterhorn Bobsleds 3 times in a row, we went to Santa Monica where Carrie ate a snow cone and then we rode the ferris wheel and enjoyed the afternoon ocean breeze with our toes in the sand, we took the ferry to Balboa Island rented bikes and spent hours cruising the boardwalk and then rode out to the wedge where waves crashed against the rocks and made for perfect pictures. We shared our hearts, encouraged one another to keep dreaming, keep loving, keep being who God created us to be. It was the perfect 10-day adventure.

Carrie is back in North Carolina now and I miss her hard. Our friendship doesn’t make any sense and yet it is undoubtedly a gift from the Lord. As we opened up to one another, it became increasingly evident that we have a similar heartbeat and outlook on life. She was once just a stranger on the internet running a darling accessory business that I wanted to be all about. Now, she is a dear sweet friend who is already planning a return trip to California for next Labor Day weekend and let me tell you, I will be waiting with eager anticipation in baggage claim and will barely be able to contain my joy when I see a girl carrying far too much luggage wearing something bright pink walking towards me. Carrie will forever own a piece of my heart - and our first adventure in California will always be one for the books!

Until next time my friend…until next time!
Oh, and thanks internet! I kinda like you!