Ok friends, here it comes, a blog post in which it gets honest and a little bit brutal, it’s truth telling time and some of my ugly is about to show. You’re welcome to stick around and see if - I’m far from perfect and SO WILLING to admit that.
warning #1 - If you are my friend and you’re reading this - we are still friends and I’m not holding any sort of bitterness or resentment in my heart towards you - just getting some of the gunk out. We are all busy and chances are I didn’t even ask you directly. We are good.
warning #2 - If you’re my roommate and you’re reading this - well - at the end of this blog post you might want to send a text or write a little note to express some appreciation - it will go a LONG way.
Last weekend I successfully procured the washer and dryer. They are now hooked up in my garage and within 24 hours of installation, I finished three (3) loads of laundry. I have clean clothes, clean sheets, clean towels and a clean kitchen - but that didn’t require the washer and dryer at all! I am SO grateful and truthfully just relieved to have that marked off the list of things to accomplish. But here’s the deal - it was super hard on my heart - it was overwhelming and tear inducing and just plain awful. I feel like I got smacked in the face time and time again with my singleness and the very real “alone” I feel in this stage of life. It felt shockingly difficult to find anyone to help me with this task that was beyond my abilities. My mind told me it would be SO easy to just call my boyfriend and have him and one of his buddies take care of it. Not an option. It would have been lovely to have my dad drive up from San Diego and do it with me - but that’s ridiculous - it’s 200 miles and a total waste of his time, money, and resources. I have TONS of friends and a huge church family; nevertheless, busy lives, full schedules and it seemed as if the chaos was winning and there was no one who could prioritize me and this need. When desperate times came I turned to Facebook to ask for help where several people liked my post, but no one actually offered to come alongside. My heart battled feeling like I step up and show up for my friends but it doesn’t work both ways - I felt invisible - I felt like no one cared - I felt like I often feel in this stage of life - it’s just me and Jesus and unfortunately He doesn’t sit with you in the Uhaul and He cannot help lift heavy things in a tangible sense.
In the end, my friends Jason & Rebecca and Taylor saw the Facebook post and sent me text messages that they were in. With a Uhaul, some crazy cash, and a morning together, we got it done. My friend and her sister that I bought the washer / dryer from were not home when I did the pick up because they decided to go garage sale shopping - even though I had arranged and coordinated this whole thing in advance - so I just left the check with their dad (and he was a delight and SO helpful). And not one of my roommates has bothered to even say thank you. It’s as if a Mr. Nobody did the whole thing.
So there you have it. The washer/dryer adulting saga is complete. It was hard. It hurt. It was ugly and I felt bruised by the whole thing. I threw my hands in the air and took myself out of the race - I am NOT going to be the best at navigating these things - I am not going to be good at figuring out this life on my own and maybe I don’t want to be. I want to serve others sacrificially - I want to see their needs and come alongside and I want to be so grateful and appreciative of those who serve me. I want to have enough space in my life that I have margin to show up and love tangibly because we all need a helping hand from time to time. Man. This life thing is NOTHING like I expected and it wrecks me over and over but I am becoming and I pray people are seeing Him as I grow.
1 comment:
You are a gifted servant and keen and intuitive to come alongside people to help and love in service. You are also super gracious and appreciative, so I can see how it's hard to not be disappointed to not have that returned when you need it. I know you'll keep loving and doing what you do best though! I know you have many friends that would have if they could have, but I so wish with you that you would have had it easier.
We've never had a truck, but when we couldn't borrow your Dad's anymore, we discovered there were people with side businesses to help move things like this quickly and I expensively. We purchased a mattress at Costco and had two guys load them up on a truck and deliver them up our stairs for us for about $50. We also used a local fb group on base to find a soldier with a truck to deliver a couch. A little risky, I suppose, but worked in a pinch.
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