christmas...

I could start this blog by listing my favorite gifts this Christmas…I got the CUTEST red and white polka dotted teapot, fun new pajama pants, a penguin Christmas ornament, mugs galore, a grown up Christmas basket, origami earrings, a purse…the list goes on and on and on. I got so many material possessions this year and yet as I sat there opening gifts, it wasn’t the presents that intrigued me. It was the laughter and true friendship that exists within my family that warmed my heart and made Christmas feel special this year. It was Madeline rolling around on the floor playing with the paper and ribbons, Kevin and Dad talking excitedly about the workbench they would be building. Mom looking lovingly at the framed handprint and footprint of her granddaughter creatively made into a bee and flower, grandma trying on the slippers that mom got for Julie when Julie got another pair, even Aunt Sandy re-gifting and wrapping in sprouts re-usable and environmentally friendly grocery bags. Although my love language is gifts, the sweetest gift this season was quality time. I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness and my heart explodes with joy. God is SO good.

to all of those i love...

a very college christmas...

Last night megan and I spent our Wednesday as usual TOGETHER. However, since it is the holidays, we decided that we would add an appropriate amount of Christmas to our evening adventure and in light our greatest memories…we combined all our FAVORITE parts of Christmas as college students and crammed them into ONE NIGHT.
It started at Ralphs where we bought all the necessary ingredients to make puppy chow – the BEST chocolatey peanut buttery goodness one can make in only about 5 minutes – and pizza dip: erika’s college specialty – a lot of cheese, a little sauce, and some potato chips – it doesn’t get much better than that. We then stopped at In-N-Out to get dinner – some “REAL” food was gonna be a must to get us through the full night of fun that was ahead. When we finally made it to my house after braving the brisk weather complete with torrential downpours of rain, we changed into pj pants and college sweatshirts. We opened our Christmas gifts for each other by the candlelit fireplace – and both gifts were incredible I must say! We then headed to the kitchen to start “baking”. We made a total of four batches of puppy chow…two turned out spectacularly, two were a bit of a struggle, and I’m pretty sure that some of all four ended up first on the kitchen counters and then in our bellies! With the puppy chow creating complete and bagged/jarred (which was definitely the most difficult and MESSIEST part) and the dishes cleaned (megan is a GREAT dryer) we started in for our second “cooking” extravaganza…PIZZA DIP. Mix cream cheese with sour cream and oregano and garlic power (a LOT of garlic power if you’re lazy and can’t find the right measuring spoon) layer on some sauce, pepperoni, and cheese…MICROWAVE…and you’re done!!! Grab a BIG bag of ruffles with ridges and dip away – college happiness!! Our evening concluded over sparkling cider and grey’s anatomy season 2 – the Christmas episode: “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” – we probably didn’t need to actually watch it – I’m pretty sure we both had all the punch lines memorized… “No, you don’t get to say my name…” or “’cause it’s what Jesus would FREAKING do” or maybe “You stupid Shepherd, you broke my daddy’s brain” we have really probably watched it at least 10 times and yet still laugh and enjoy it EVERY TIME we get an opportunity to sit and enjoy it again.
It was an absolutely FABULOUS evening and a wonderful start (yet again) to Christmas…which is in EXACTLY one week! Whewwwww!!!! Its almost time for paid vacation people…just a couple more days!!!

a TRUE friend...

I have been in somewhat of a funk for the past few days (actually, its been a little over a week now…) – I’ve been thinking and feeling a lot of things – all of which are difficult for me to sort out – and most of which don’t have any particular answers but rather are things that “are” simply because they are. Anyways, all that to say that I haven’t been altogether focused on the amazing things in my life. I’ve been so caught up in my feelings of frustration and disappointment coupled with my uncertainty of what tomorrow is bringing and if any of my “dreams” will ever become reality that I haven’t stopped to truly evaluate life as it is. What I have been looking at is life muted and faded through dark and shady glasses rather than a real encapsulation of all the colors and beauty that surround me.
Today I was overwhelmed by the truth of my blessings as I enjoyed lunch with one of the dearest and sweetest friends I have ever had. Becka Burke and I met through a Bible Study in the fall of 2007 and became friends shortly after I started working at the church almost a year ago now. Since then, we have met for lunch almost every Wednesday afternoon. Most of the time we meet at a park and enjoy some fresh air while eating cheap (aka leftovers) and chatting about our lives. It has honestly become one of the most treasured parts of my week. I look forward to lunching with BB until the day finally arrives – and our lunch dates absolutely NEVER disappoint me. I enjoy our friendship SO much. Becka is such an encourager - she overflows with joy – and she is genuine. Our friendship is so real and honest – its transparent – we talk about what we really think and feel and where we stand and how we’re moving forward. I’m SO thankful that I have a friend to share the journey with who is going to ask me to answer the hard questions and is going to be there even if I choose the wrong path. She is a true friend – the kind that will be there when you don’t feel good – randomly and spontaneous sends little cards in the mail or bring a surprise by the office...eat way more junk food than should be allowed simply because it sounds good (especially if its cinnabon)…enjoy a starbucks at literally every opportunity…and make you feel beautiful and wanted always. Becka has undoubtedly helped me survive this interesting year of transition and has been SUCH a special part of my life.
SO BECKA…THANK YOU for being the kind of friend that sticks closer than a brother – and for leaving a part of yourself in my heart – I will CHERISH you always. ILOVEYOU Becks!!!

See can't you just tell we were meant to be friends! :)

a college christmas...

College was perhaps one of the most interesting and strange times in my life. However, as I reflect upon it – I cannot even attempt to hide the smiles and chuckles that bubble from deep within me. The Christmas season is now heavily upon us – and one of my very favorite Christmas memories took place my senior year of college. In the winter of 2006, there was a crazy wind storm which caused a branch from the tree located between my apartment and my closest friends: Kimie, Tessa, and Erika’s apartment (a space which we commonly referred to as the street making our apartments across the street from each other) to break off and land haphazardly on the ground in the middle of the street. Although this could have been viewed as an absolutely tragedy, we preferred to look at is as a gift from God – He personally delivered our Christmas branch. Although we spotted it in the morning and knew something special was to become of it – we all seemingly ignored it in hopes of maintaining some semblance of focus and concentration throughout our classes. However, in the afternoon, the Christmas branch came to life. We bundled up in our warmest winter attire (for me this included a down coat and a scarf – and yes, please do remember that this is California – so it really was NOT that cold…however, it did snow for about 4 minutes in Riverside that winter…so maybe it really WAS that cold after all!!! Haha!) and met outside my apartment to being making Christmas like no one has ever seen before. Megan and I started digging a hole for the branch to stand in while Tessa used rope to tie the branch to the railings of the upstairs apartment…we couldn’t have our beautiful Christmas branch falling over. We then hung little bows all over it and added gift tags with each of our names on them so that Santa would know he could bring the gifts for BOTH apartments to the one tree – we were good at sharing! The afternoon concluded with a photo session with our Christmas branch. It was a day of melodious laughter and memories that will undoubtedly last a lifetime! I loved college – but even more than that…I LOVED our Christmas branch! J

i'm in love...

5 new reasons to give thanks

this morning at work we had a thanksgiving breakfast...the whole staff at EV FREE FULLERTON was invited to come to the Fireside room where tables were set up and adorned with flowers to enjoy a time of friendship and fellowship over pastries, fruit, yogurt, and quiche. I must admit it was absolutely delightful. after enjoying round table conversation, we enjoyed a sweet time of worship as a staff...it was overwhelming to me to be in a room filled with individuals who are absolutely in love with the Lord all praising together. it has been a long time since i have been so truly touched by the presence and spirit of the Lord in such a concrete way - it was very much like looking at Him in the faces of so many special friends and wonderful encouragers. as the morning continued, i was amazed as God reminded me of all He has provided me with this year even amidst some difficult circumstances. as i pondered 2008, i was touched by the gracious gifts of people God placed in my life. SO...here is a list of 5 new people God gave me who have truly touched me and been more of a blessing than they could possibly know! (they are not listed by importance - but rather - in the order that they came into my life)

1. RACHEL REINERT on March 30, 2008 rach and i officially became roommates. i did not know her when i moved in - and can VIVIDLY remember the day i met her...my first thought, "she is absolutely gorgeous!!!" in the months since then, rachel has been one of the biggest supporters and encouragers in my life. she brought me water when my head was about to explode, picked me up from the airport when i came home from England, had tea with me after England so that i could re-live the sweet time i spent there, bought me lunch when my identity had been stole and i didn't have any funding, and spent almost an entire day helping me move into a new house...could i ask for a better friend? She has been there for me with prayers and works of exhortation - she is a sweet and wonderful sister in Christ and one of my greatest gifts this year!

this is the very first picture Rachel and i ever took together - it was about a week after i moved in and we were at a non-profit event for our other roommate...

2. REBECCA MACKENZIE i don't remember the exact date that Rebecca became a part of my life - but i DO remember thinking almost immediately upon meeting her that she was going to be someone i really enjoyed....and i was right. Rebecca started working at the church after she graduated from Westmont and we became park lunch buddies - we packed and enjoyed the rich sunshine while eating our inexpensive food!! She and i are very like-minded and are able to talk about so many conservative things! :) she loves dark chocolate covered espresso beans and frequents starbucks - so it is a perfect match. Now Kenzie is in my stamp club - and we both have disneyland passes - we frequent Rock Harbor and thoroughly enjoy In-N-Out burger!! It is fantastic having someone to spend free time with - she makes me laugh and smile all the time - but also holds intelligent conversation. it is wonderful having a friend to walk through life with - and i sincerely pray that kenz and i will share many more years together.

this is me and kenz at disneyland for the snow!! yay!
3. MADELINE SWOPE on June 16, 2008 my sweet baby niece Madeline Mary was born. She is undoubtedly the CUTEST little baby girl this world has ever seen. She is petite and tiny and doesn't do a whole lot yet - but she captivated my heart and i am sure i will love her more than probably any other child EVER until i have one of my own. i am also so incredibly thankful for the amazing relationship i have with her parents - my brother and sister-in-law Kevin and Jamie. They are such a special part of my life - they are shining examples of character and integrity and constantly make me feel valuable and wanted. family is something i definitely treasure - and i'm SO glad to have a new person to share all the joy with!this is me sneaking some kisses of my sweet baby about a week after she was born
4. JENNIFER JACKSON is probably one of the biggest surprise blessings of the year...i wrote about her in an earlier post - i met her through Rachel but God has really done spectacular things with our friendship. i have been blessed with an opportunity to encourage and minister and maybe even mentor jen and it has been such a blessing for me. i was so actively involved in the lives of my girls throughout college and often felt that i was imparting wisdom from my personal experiences into their lives. spending time with jenny feels much the same way - as i share with her the things that the Lord has done in my heart and life, I watch as He uses that to touch and change her heart. our friendship is a joy and our times together are always highly anticipated!me and jen at Rachel's pumpkin carving party...whoah my hairs were curly that night! :)
5. MELODY MACKEAND started working in the church about a month ago now - and it has been my pleasure getting to serve alongside her. However, i actually met Mel when she joined our Bible Study early this fall. Melody and I have already started making memories! we have lunch every tuesday at Breas Best where we split a turkey club combo with an extra drink and it is undoubtedly one of my favorite lunch dates of the week. we recently had a friday night frenzy where we shopped a bit and watched a re-run of america's next top model and also had a haircut adventure - we both CHOPPED our hair off - Mel even had enough to donate! she has been a new and refreshing part of my life- she is full of joy and i relish her melodious (yeah there's a pun) laughter! she makes me care about all kinds of things - all of the sudden i really want to be on time for work (so i don't get scolded) and heaven forbid i wear a scandalous outift! :) she makes me smile endlessly and the hours at work fly by when she's around!this is me and mel the day after our haircuts - SO CUTE!

all this to say - wow - God is good. i definitely still have moments when i feel lonely - and i often miss my family - but God is SO faithful. i would have never guessed at the beginning of 2008 that I would have so many wonderful new friends to share life with - but what a perfect way to start thanksgiving - by reflecting and finding new people to give thanks for!!

i'm nesting...

i have decided i am officially old. at a family tea in honor of my Aunt Joy's 75th birthday on saturday afternoon, my mom presented her immediate need for my Christmas list. as i contemplated my greatest wishes and desires in hopes of formulating some semblance of order therein, the conclusion was not difficult - i am no longer hoping for barbie dolls or mini-backpacks, but rather for appropriate work attire, new earings, and a vast assortment of homey items. i want to decorate the area above the mantle at my house perhaps with a large mirror - or some fun frames from crate and barrell. i want my own set of dishes (although i couldn't explain exactly what i want them to look like...). i want a Southern Living at Home "Dress Me Up Plate" - you know, the really cute one that you can thread a ribbon through and make match any party you are throwing - and of course, using a dry erase marker you can write fun messages on it!! SO FUN! (they're discontinued now - so i better let this dream die pretty soon unless e-bay can rescue me!). i want a dustbuster because i have dark blue carpet and every little bit of lint shows on it and i just can't stand it looking so dirty even when its virtually clean. i kinda want a new wallet because the one i have currently is about to fall apart - the seams are ripping - but i really really like my current wallet - so unless the new one is really really good, i'm not sure i can part with the old one. i want all kinds of stuff for the kitchen - but only in the color red - then i can tell they are mine and not my roommates. i do want a lot of things - but as i look through the list, an obvious fact surfaces - i'm not a little girl anymore. As Meredith Grey would say, "I'm an adult - when did it happen, and how do i make it stop?"

one of God's most generous gifts...

God in His infinite goodness and overflowing love provided me with yet another sweet and wonderful gift. In March of this year I was blessed to move into a home where all of my roommates love the Lord tremendously. I thought that was a miracle –but then God gave me even more. Rachel and I became fast friends and enjoyed months of sharing our lives together…we laughed a lot, cried a little, and prayed continually. I had spent months and months praying that God would provide me with a friend after college graduation – and when I met Rachel, I saw God answer my prayers beyond all my expectations. Today as I write, Rachel and I are no longer roommates – in September she moved out of our house and although I struggled with saying goodbye, our friendship has grown and we still enjoy each other as much as we ever did (just not quite as often). Rach works at Disneyland – so I DO miss seeing her come home in all her crazy outfits – especially the blue HIGH-WAISTED pants and the menagerie of colorful vests. Ha. But I know she is happy where the Lord has her at this point in her life. I would have been perfectly content to praise the Lord for Rachel and her love in my life – but God gave me even more. Shortly after I moved in, Rachel introduced me to her friend Jennifer Jackson. Jen is a soft-spoken and quiet person with a huge heart and so much to offer. By being friends with Rach, Jen and I got to spend more and more time together. As I got to know her, I became increasingly impressed and inspired by her gentle spirit and subtle strength. Towards the end of the summer, I was informed that Jen would be an RA at Biola in the fall. I have always had and still have such a heart for college-aged girls. The transformations and growth that they experience throughout those years is pivotal and forever shapes their relationship with Christ. God immediately laid it on my heart to be an encourager for Jen – to pray for her, shower her with blessings, and share my experiences with her. It has been such a joyous journey. Jen is no longer Rachel’s friend – but rather MY friend! My heart has grown to love her and cherish our friendship in ways that I could not have imagined. Her dedication and devotion coupled with an intense desire to serve these girls astounds me. Her heart is so big and her love abounding. As I pray for her, I get increasingly excited about being a part of what God is doing through her heart and life in the lives of these girls. I know for a fact that they don’t understand the blessing they have in Jen – but I do. I know that God gave me an amazing gift in her friendship – and it is one I do not take for granted –but one I cherish more and more as the time goes by.

wildfire weekend with a wonderful ending

this weekend was untypical to say the least....

on friday night after work, i headed to starbucks where i met Rachey Rach for a coffee break. "our" starbucks is on Imperial - its the one with all the statues and the fountain out front - they have the best patio furniture and a wonderful couch. we settled in and began the life update - we talked about Rachel's Andrew's upcoming birthday and our freakishly busy schedules -anticipated the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday and times with our families - cherished moments with our sisters - and discussed our affinity for school breaks. we were in the thick of conversation when we were interrupted by one of the baristas who kindly informed us that Starbucks would be closing in 5 minutes....at 6:00pm. He then sat down and gave us a very brief explaination of the reasoning behind ANY starbucks closing before 10:00pm. Apparently there just aren't enough customers - maybe i should stop by there every night - it is by FAR my favorite starbucks....hmmmm.... upon our discovery that coffee would be much shorter but still just as sweet, Rachel and i said goodbye, hugged, and promised we would meet again soon...i don't like goodbye's - even from coffee dates. anyway, i then headed to the target on malvern - the target GREATLAND (which i suppose is comparable to a SUPER wal-mart; although we don't have those here) in hopes of finding a good pair of trouser jeans...lucky for me - i found them (in a size smaller than i usually wear - my self-esteem says thank you) AND i also found a brown cardigan - which i have been on the prowl for for weeks now. WONDERFUL! my friend and coworker Melody and I then went to my house where i warmed up some leftover padthai from lunch with erika (who lives in chicago but was in town visiting on wednesday) poured two glasses of wine (and no it was NOT two buck chuck - melody only buys the exquisite kinds...) and sat down for a wonderful evening of light conversation and a girly movie - no reservations. unfortunately, we just got AT&T U-verse with DVR and try as i might i could NOT figure out how to switch the tv into DVD mode. frustrating. i even stooped to the level of reading the manual...now that is desperation! so instead we decided we would watch America's Next Top Model re-runs...we settled...but what choice did we really have?

Saturday i woke up early and got ready for a tea in honor of my Aunt Joy who turned 75. I left my house at 10:30am and headed for Gavilan Hills (which is past Riverside). as i went up the hill from my house, a thick haze of smoke became increasingly evident and i had to turn my airconditioner onto recycle mode so that it would only filter the air from inside the car... i knew immediately a fire was somewhere and it was pretty close by. i prayed but continued on - these fires have become somewhat familiar and far less intimidating than they probably should be. On the 91 freeway going East towards Riverside, I drove right through by the flames...people were outside of their cars taking pictures and the traffic was heavy. Nevertheless, i arrived at Marilyn's in good time and enjoyed the tea and luncheon with family - spent some time chatting with my cousins, aunts, and my mom! what a blessing! the time went quickly and all too soon, i was ready to get on the road and head home. unfortunately, it was at that point that i was told literally all the interstates running from Gavilan Hills to my house in Fullerton were closed, and an alternative route would have to be developed. I ended up driving on dirt roads to the 74 highway which runs through lake elsinore and perris and then connects to Ortega Highway which winds around and around and around a mountain until you end up on the other side in San Juan Capistrano. i then hopped on the 5North and headed towards orange county. as i got closer, the dark cloud loomed and i drove into what has been described as one of the worst fires since 1961. Rachel and I had been texting with trepidation as we discovered we were being evacuted and that Andrew and his family were in imminent danger as their entire backyard was on fire. everything felt very heavy. i could tell in my roommates' voices that they were scared and that the news would be on continuously throughout the evning keeping all of us up to date on the latest advances of the flames. it took me several hours longer to get home than it should have and it was quite an unpleasant journey. the intense smoky smell made me naseaus and the winding roads along the mountain with so many altitude changes hurt my head tremendously. nevertheless, by the grace of God, i got home safely. with the encouragement of Lindsey and Adri-Anne (my roommates) i went ahead and packed up some of my most valuable possessions... the box of things i've saved from college - notes from friends and the special postcards from world changers around the world...my painting from danny...the New York ring I got with Emily...my new red Christmas jacket...the scrapbook my mom made of pictures from my childhood years...my children's book collection...my favorite Bible and all my Max Lucado books...my big green pillow...my rainbow flip flops...my chi iron...and my world changers blanket. I put all of that along with my laptop and phone charger and the file including all of my important information by the front door, filled up a water bottle, and considered myself ready to go. For the next several hours we all sat together in the living room and watched as so much of our community was devoured by the flames. We could smell the smoke and see the ashes falling like rain from the sky. Prayers resounded throughout the evening and we waiting somewhat anxiously praying and hoping that we would not hear the sound of police knocking on our doors and asking us to leave our home. Finally, knowing there was absolutely nothing we could do, we retreated to our bedrooms and attempted to sleep. The fires raged throughout the night and we could see flames and smoke from our bedroom windows - nevertheless, the Lord protected us. Sunday morning came and although the air was still thick with smoke and ash, the fires had started to dwindle and the weather was finally working FOR the firemen rather than against them. Sunday was a day of productivity for me. I cleaned up the living room and did the dishes, vacuumed, did all my laundry, and worked diligently on the EV Free Fullerton staff christmas celebration invitations. in the evening, i picked up my blessed friend Jennifer Jackson and we went to dinner (at pat & oscars - one of my absolutely favorites) and to Rock Harbor. it was a beautiful time of praise and adoration for the Father and a special time for our friendship. It was a wonderful ending to wildfire weekend - and one that i will consider richly blessed in times to come. Jenn is an incredible person and our friendship is one that can only be described as God-orchestrated...but that is a post for another time altogether. However, at the conclusion of this weekend i have no words but to say "thank you Lord for protecting so many and graciously revealing Your power and glory even in the midst of the raging flames - You are God alone and i'm so blessed to trust You."

My friend Andrew Smith and his family are only one example of God's amazing hands at work through this fire. They were evacuated on Saturday and i received a text message from Rachel (Andrew's girlfriend) saturday evening stating that the palm trees in their backyard were on fire which obviously indicated immediate and imminent danger for his home. I immediately texted back, "I am praying that God holds the flames and protects their home! He is incredibly powerful and nothing is too big for Him!" Well, come Sunday morning, Andrew's house is one of only two standing on the block. His parents have been having the neighbors over for to watch church (online because their favorite pastor speaks in Colorado) and it gives me goosebumps to think that God saved the church building and protected the family that was actively sharing His name with the neighborhood. He is still answering prayers and actively making an impact here on earth...what a gift to be a part of His family and to have the faith that He is in control. God is not far from us here on earth - He is just intentional and selective. He is still bringing glory to His name - He is still at work!