This is awesome. People love this.

Mindy Kaling is absolutely hilarious. She is a writer for The Office, has her own show: The Mindy Project, and wrote the New York Times Bestseller: Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me? (and other concerns). While in the air over the weekend (I'll post about my actual travels at a later point in time) I was finally able to read her book...and literally disturbed people by laughing too loudly. I've included my favorite chapter below for your enjoyment, and added the italicized portions to make this chapter more personal. Please go buy the book...now...and laugh a lot. You can thank me later! 

Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities 

by Mindy Kaling

italicized portions by Shelly Swope for Megan McAlpine

I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES

Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don’t need to do that, and you still have to love me. If I ruin something of yours and don’t replace it, you’re allowed to talk shit about me to our other friends for one calendar year. That’s it. Then you have to get over it. One stipulation to my borrowing your clothes is that you have to have worn the item at least once before I borrow it. I’m not a monster.

I’m pretty sure you stole and kept some pj pants, a CBU sweatshirt, and at least one or two cute tops (I’m thinking pink jacket from my 21^st or was it my 22^nd birthday, but perhaps I gave you that). In fact, I might be able to come search your closet and find some of my clothes there today, like 9 years later!

WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED

If we’re on a trip or if our boyfriends are away, and there’s a bed bigger than a twin, we’re partnering up. It is super weird for us not to share a bed. How else will we talk until we fall asleep?

I know, we do not share a bed…because you can’t sleep when we do. I will amend this to read, WE DON’T SLEEP IN THE SAME BED BUT WILL STAY UP WAY TOO LATE WATCHING TERRIBLE TELEVISION AND NEED MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF COFFEE TO SURVIVE THE NEXT DAY (and every day!).

I MUST BE 100 PERCENT HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, BUT GENTLE

Your boyfriend is never going to tell you that your skirt is too tight and riding up too high on you. In fact you shouldn’t have even asked him, poor guy. He wants to have sex with you no matter how pudgy you are. I am the only person besides your mom who has the right (and responsibility) to tell you that. I should never be overly harsh when something doesn’t look good on you, because I know you are fragile about this, and so am I. I will employ the gentle, vague, expression “I’m not crazy about that on you,” which should mean to you” HOLY SHIT, that that off, that looks terrible!” I owe it to you to give feedback like a cattle prod: painful but quick.

You have amazing taste, so we can also slightly revise this to read I WILL NEVER DISCOURAGE YOU FROM PURCHASING ANYTHING THAT IS SUPER CUTE REGARDLESS OF COST AND ESPECIALLY IF IT IS A DESIGNER LABEL.

I CAN DITCH YOU, WITHIN REASON

I can ditch you to hang out with a guy but only if that possibility has been discussed and getting-a-ride-home practicalities have been worked out, prior to the event. In return, I need to talk about you a lot with that guy so he knows how much I love you.

I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID IF YOU DIE

I can’t even write about this, it’s too sad. But yes, I will do that. And you will have one awesome little kid who hears endless stories about how amazing and beautiful and perfect you were. Incidentally, your kid will grow up loving Indian food.

This should be revised to read, I WILL ENSURE YOUR KID GROWS UP LOVING CHEESE OF ALL VARIETIES, READS ALL THINGS JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER, AND LISTENS TO ODYSSEY AND THIS AMERICAN LIFE.

I WILL NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH

If you are crippled with pain because of a UTI, I need to haul ass to CBS to get you some medicine, fast. I should also try to pick up a fashion magazine and the candy you like, because distracting you from your pain is part of nursing you back to health.

I will probably also bring you a bottle of nail polish because pretty nails are an instant improvement to any situation.

WE WILL TRADE OFF BEING SOCIAL ACTIVITIES CHAIR FOR OUTINGS

On trips together, I promise to man up and be the person who drives the rental car sometimes, or uses my credit card and has people pay me back later. Someone needs to check on YELP to see what the good brunch place is. Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time. I get that.

Neither of us are the princess, but we both know you won’t be driving. So perhaps this should be: I WILL DRIVE YOU EVERYWHERE AND DO ALL THE RESEARCH, BUT YOU’RE UP FOR ABSOLUTELY ANY ADVENTURE WHICH MAKES YOU MY BEST ADVENTUREMATE AND THAT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

I WILL KEEP YOUR FAVORITE FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCT AT MY HOUSE

Even though no one uses maxipads anymore, like you do, weirdo, I will keep a box at my house for when you come over.

            Gross, you have to take care of this yourself.

SAME WITH YOUR CONTACT LENS SOLUTION

I can’t believe you won’t get Lasik already. You can afford it. I know you read someone went blind from it, but that was like twenty years ago. Not getting Lasik at this point is like being that girl in 2006 who didn’t have a cell phone.

            This is also your problem.

I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.

  

WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR PLACE, I WON’T DROP THE TOWEL ON THE FLOOR

Your home isn’t a hotel. I forget sometimes because you make it so comfortable for me.    

IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU

As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends.  I will be there for you during your horrible break-up, or getting fired from your job, or if you’re just having a bad couple of months or year. I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.

As long as you promise to be hilarious about the things you hate (like roommates, and bosses, and unfortunate events at Nordy’s Rack) I won’t even find you tedious – sometimes the depression is refreshing – at least we’re in this suckfest together!

           

IF OUR PHONE CONVERSATION GETS DISCONNECTED, THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL BACK

I get it. You get it. We take forever getting off the phone anyway. This was a blessing.

I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU

But you can’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.

I PROMISE TO SING THE I HATE EVERYONE SONG WHENEVER NECESSARY AND REMIND YOU VIA TEXT MESSAGE THAT I HATE PEOPLE FOR YOU. You in turn must promise to keep the names of the beast list secret.

IT IS OK TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED

I know when you fall in love with someone that you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotions or something.

Let’s just both agree to get married at the same time and force our husbands to like each other. This should really be titled, WE WILL STAY FRIENDS REGARDLESS OF WHAT OUR HUSBANDS WANT.

NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US.

We rock. No one can beat us.

the all-time best title in the world!

I cannot explain the joy that is exuding from my heart today. I have been an aunt since June 16, 2008 and it has been the greatest experience of my life. There is absolutely nothing better than loving on and being loved on by my best girl, my little, my M. Madeline Mary Swope introduced me to this incredible role and I will forever love her for that. However, yesterday Charlotte Rose Swope made me aunt to nieces squared - the all time best title in the world.

My dear sister-in-law had a challenging pregnancy with C. At 33 weeks she began having amniotic fluid level issues and was put on strict bed rest. Bed rest is a virtually impossible feat when you have a 4.5 year old and your husband is away at Officer Candidate School with the US Army. She gave it her best and was able to carry Charlotte to 37.5 weeks. I got the call on Sunday afternoon that she was being admitted and sweet C would be here within two days. I immediately packed my bags and headed to San Diego – I was NOT going to miss this. I drove straight to my parent’s house, spent some time snuggling with my first love – M, and then headed to the hospital to wait it out with Jamie. It was my honor to stand beside my sweet sister as she anticipated delivery. I got to brush her hair and hold her hand and pray over her without ceasing, it was an event that has rooted deep in my heart. And then as sweet Charlotte made her way into this world, I got to hold the phone with my brother on the other end and try to give him a glimpse of the amazingly beautiful thing occurring in his life at that very moment.

Charlotte Rose Swope was born November 18 at 10:50pm weighing in at 6lbs. 11oz. and measuring 20in. long. She is healthy and absolutely gorgeous. She is tiny and petite just like her big sister was. She has Jamie’s nose and somehow ended up with blonde hair! She’s the perfect little bundle you can stare at all day and never get bored. I’m in love.

First World Problems...

Last week it rained which ushered in me the most real and enlivened sense of fall. After an early morning client meeting I enjoyed a peppermint mocha (with half the peppermint – have you noticed the intensity of those things if you order them at full strength?), which only solidified the song in my heart. It was time to begin CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! I am a handmade Christmas kind of girl – but I do love to add some store-bought sparkle and I have to do it on a budget, so it was undoubtedly time to allow the store stalking to commence.

My first stop was Pier 1 Imports, but the meat of this story takes place in Nordstrom Rack. I walked in full of high hopes and eager anticipation – I was ready to conquer and just knew I would be knocking some names off the holiday shopping list before the night was through. I perused the jewelry and didn’t find anything that jumped out at me. There were some darling (and oh so brightly colored) Kate Spade wristlets but they were a bit out of my price range, so I moved on. Next up was the smell-good section, which also disappointed.  I decided to use one final surge of searching strength and headed to handbags. There was a gorgeous collection of Kate Spade bags that had already caught my eye and was subtly requesting interrogation. I picked up the softest leather purse in a natural cream with a black and white polka dot interior. I knew in my heart I wanted this bag, but I had yet to glimpse the price. I cautiously reached for the tag trying not to be overly optimistic at the slight sight of a red clearance sticker. In the flashiest of flashes (2 points if you can name that movie) I looked at the price and was ELATED to find it was a mere $79.80 – a ridiculously AMAZING price considering the bag was originally ticketed at $488.00. HOWEVER, it is the holiday season and with much shopping to accomplish for others, I hesitated. I walked around the store several times trying to justify such a purchase. I casually glanced at the bag on my arm at every mirror and confirmed my absolute love. I got in line to checkout. I waited excitedly and then a moment of horror. When the lovely cashier rang it up, it was $179.99. She kindly explained that a Juicy Couture clearance tag had mistakenly been placed on the Kate Spade of my dreams. She felt terrible about it, but did not offer to honor the price. She took the bag away, and I left the store empty-handed and a bit heart-broken.

The next morning I told a co-worker my “devastating” story when I got to the office. She has a friend who just happens to be the manager of that particular Nordy’s Rack. Coworker (who shall remain anonymous) sent a text on my behalf to see if she could get me a deal. Well friends, the manager was LIVID – the cashier absolutely should have honored the sticker price. WHAT A BUMMER! I almost had a blog-worthy deal on a beautiful Kate Spade.

Moral of this story – I didn’t buy a single gift and now I really want a Kate Spade for Christmas…

Sister to Army Nurse Kev...

I am anything but a prolific writer, and I’m a pathetic blogger based on the number of entries I’ve posted in 2012; but the past few weeks, perhaps months have been filled with changes, and I think its time to start putting some of it down on paper.

In June my brother Kevin graduated from Nursing School. I knew his graduation was the beginning of our goodbye. I can remember sitting in the bleachers watching him walk across the stage feeling a surge of intense pride and instantaneous unexplainable sadness. My brother has always wanted to be military, and when he embarked upon his educational career at San Diego State University, he was presented with an opportunity to join the Army and upon graduation serve as an Officer in the Army Nurse Corps. Selfishly there was a huge part of me that hoped he would decide against it, though my heart knew this was a dream realized for him. He accepted. Over the summer he studied veraciously and passed the NCLEX, all that was left was to wait for official orders. They came. On October 7 we said a tearful goodbye and on October 9 he officially began OCS.

He hasn’t even been gone a month and yet that goodbye seems like a lifetime ago. So much was wrapped up in that hug and the handoff of a letter than encapsulated as much of my heart as paper can hold.  I wasn’t just saying goodbye to Kevin as he left for OCS, I was saying hello to a new chapter in my life – a chapter entitled, “Sister to Army Nurse Kev”... a chapter that feels completely incomprehensible to me… a chapter I cannot possibly prepare for and yet one that is an unavoidable reality. It is being written. Kevin will be home in December for approximately two weeks. He will meet his daughter Charlotte (who will be here sometime soon) and we will celebrate the holidays together. Then THEY will leave. My brother, my sister, my nieces. They will all leave.

I really cannot even begin to fathom THAT goodbye. I think I will probably cry until my eyes are bloodshot and my cheeks are chapped.  I know we can still talk via Skype, and I really am so thankful we live in a modern technological age; but, it just isn’t the same as driving to their house and giving them squeezes, watching them put on shows, or catching a documentary together. It isn’t the same as borrowing Madeline for the weekend to go on adventures with Aunt Shell or letting her eat as much ice-cream as she wants – can can’t give a kid ice-cream via Skype. They’re moving to Hawaii, which I realize is completely AWESOME and I’m TOTALLY excited to visit the island sometime soon…but my brother and his family are a large part of what made San Diego feel like home and I have a feeling it’ll take a while to regain that footing. Bottom line, I am going to miss them like crazy funky and it makes my heart ache just thinking about it. I’m not good at normal goodbyes – and this is way beyond that.

For now I suppose I should just praise the Lord we have another month or so together before they board that plane. A month to laugh and make memories and get as many hugs and kisses as possible from my favorite littles. AND then I should plan a trip to Hawaii…I think turning 28 in paradise sounds perfect!

1-year CELEBRATIONS!

Tomorrow marks an entire year since I started at AkinsParker Creative.

It seems like such a monumental accomplishment. I’ve made it through my first year in advertising – aka – CRAZY TOWN!  I’ve come a long way in my career, and yet in my personal life I’ve apparently declined. If you are reading this, you are probably well aware that blogging has really gone by the wayside – and the posts I have managed to publish are almost all about nail polish (the one habit I have managed to maintain! Yay no naked nails!) I used to spend a lot of time working on design projects and now that I work in a design oriented industry, I do very little. But that has GOT to change! beganwithabow cannot just sit dormant forever. SO in honor of this occasion, I am OFFICIALLY opening “beganwithabow” on etsy.com. The site has a ways to go – but at least I can say I’ve started! CHEERS to a great year – and hopefully many many more!

If you'd like to visit my etsy shop (and see the ONLY current listing) use the link included below!
etsy.com/shop/beganwithabow

i went vegan...

but NOT in what I eat!

Any of you who know me are well aware that I'm really not the vegan type.  I don't have anything against being a vegan, but I'm a girl who likes...well...man food. I'm a steak and potatoes kinda girl. Now don't get me wrong, I can go for a salad here and there - but there had better be some chicken on that salad, and I'd prefer that chicken be in every bite. ANYWAY that is not the point of this post at all. This post is actually about shoes. I know, SHOCKER! Here we go, I'll make the connection for you. I was gifted a pair of TOMS and they just so happened to be vegan. AMAZE BALLS! They're ridiculously cute and super fun for summer! SO cheers to my new vegan lifestyle. My feet are happy and so are my taste-buds!

insta-nails

A lot of people do that whole "instafriday" thing and it's uber fun. Unfortunately I have a blackberry (I know, I know, TERRIBLE choice...it was FREE! I'm up for an upgrade in December and I have a feeling an iPhone is in my future) and can't participate legitimately in any insta-festivities. It makes me a tinge sad, but it doesn't mean I don't take phone pics...I just take TERRIBLE phone pics that don't have any awesome editing. However, today I decided to give you a glimpse of my phone photography in SPITE of the terrible quality because it is HYSTERICAL that the majority of photos in my phone are of my nails. Cheers to nails being one of my primary forms of self expression.