Sister to Army Nurse Kev...

I am anything but a prolific writer, and I’m a pathetic blogger based on the number of entries I’ve posted in 2012; but the past few weeks, perhaps months have been filled with changes, and I think its time to start putting some of it down on paper.

In June my brother Kevin graduated from Nursing School. I knew his graduation was the beginning of our goodbye. I can remember sitting in the bleachers watching him walk across the stage feeling a surge of intense pride and instantaneous unexplainable sadness. My brother has always wanted to be military, and when he embarked upon his educational career at San Diego State University, he was presented with an opportunity to join the Army and upon graduation serve as an Officer in the Army Nurse Corps. Selfishly there was a huge part of me that hoped he would decide against it, though my heart knew this was a dream realized for him. He accepted. Over the summer he studied veraciously and passed the NCLEX, all that was left was to wait for official orders. They came. On October 7 we said a tearful goodbye and on October 9 he officially began OCS.

He hasn’t even been gone a month and yet that goodbye seems like a lifetime ago. So much was wrapped up in that hug and the handoff of a letter than encapsulated as much of my heart as paper can hold.  I wasn’t just saying goodbye to Kevin as he left for OCS, I was saying hello to a new chapter in my life – a chapter entitled, “Sister to Army Nurse Kev”... a chapter that feels completely incomprehensible to me… a chapter I cannot possibly prepare for and yet one that is an unavoidable reality. It is being written. Kevin will be home in December for approximately two weeks. He will meet his daughter Charlotte (who will be here sometime soon) and we will celebrate the holidays together. Then THEY will leave. My brother, my sister, my nieces. They will all leave.

I really cannot even begin to fathom THAT goodbye. I think I will probably cry until my eyes are bloodshot and my cheeks are chapped.  I know we can still talk via Skype, and I really am so thankful we live in a modern technological age; but, it just isn’t the same as driving to their house and giving them squeezes, watching them put on shows, or catching a documentary together. It isn’t the same as borrowing Madeline for the weekend to go on adventures with Aunt Shell or letting her eat as much ice-cream as she wants – can can’t give a kid ice-cream via Skype. They’re moving to Hawaii, which I realize is completely AWESOME and I’m TOTALLY excited to visit the island sometime soon…but my brother and his family are a large part of what made San Diego feel like home and I have a feeling it’ll take a while to regain that footing. Bottom line, I am going to miss them like crazy funky and it makes my heart ache just thinking about it. I’m not good at normal goodbyes – and this is way beyond that.

For now I suppose I should just praise the Lord we have another month or so together before they board that plane. A month to laugh and make memories and get as many hugs and kisses as possible from my favorite littles. AND then I should plan a trip to Hawaii…I think turning 28 in paradise sounds perfect!