goosebumps and dreams...

Sunday I was in San Diego with my parents, so I went to Gateway Church - the church I grew up in - the church that somehow always feels like home and family no matter how long I’ve been away. It doesn’t matter what we sing or who brings the Word - tears always manage to brew at some point in the service. This week, communion was a particularly sweet time - one in which I found myself a bit overcome with gratitude as I pondered the true gift of Jesus and the immense weight He has lifted in coming as our Rescuer. Through His blood, we are pardoned and our sins are forgotten - we are washed white as snow and He knows them no more. We are FORGIVEN and REDEEMED and FREE. 

Moments after service, Nancy Williams came up and hugged me. Nancy is one of the dearest souls you’ll ever meet. She has known me since I was born - her husband Sam was our pastor when I was very young - he actually dedicated me as a baby and it is really fun to be in church together from time to time. Nancy has been a continual encouragement through my adult years - my single years - my years of wrestling. She speaks truth and always points me back to Jesus, who loves me infinitely more than I seem to remember at times. We talked just briefly about Africa and I think I might always light up when the conversation heads that direction, it really is a vibrant love the Lord has placed deep within me…I have always known I had a heartbeat for the nations. But really, I also have a special place in my heart for Africa - I just didn’t know that detail before. As we continued talking, I shared that I think He has done a work within me through the years in allowing me to release, to surrender, to allow Him to be the one in control of the guiding and directing. I’ve come to terms with the reality that this life looks absolutely NOTHING like I expected or dreamed, and I’ve spent a fair bit of time grieving those dreams. I’ve released them. I’ve begged Him to replace those dreams with Himself and to be my biggest dream; and little by little, I am finding new hope and new joy and falling in love with Him more and more. She looked at me with the slightest glisten of tears beginning to well up in her eyes and asked me to touch her arm. Right there, she had goosebumps. She told me, “THAT is what you do to me Shelly, you give me goosebumps, your love for Jesus is so evident.” It was a wondrous moment and I am just so thankful for the little ways He chooses to remind us that He is right there. That In the midst of the long seasons of waiting and wanting and wondering, He is working and shaping our hearts. I am convinced I know Him in a way I wouldn’t had I not wandered in the wilderness. I have grown and become in the desert, and though I would never have chosen this road, I am grateful that I am walking with my King…closer than ever before…daily being molded into His likeness. There truly is no where else I’d rather be. And what a blessing that others can see Him on display through my words and in my actions - I want nothing more. Thank you Jesus for goosebumps and encouragers, and the gifts You so generously give...for adventures and Africa and HOPE. I have no idea all that is in store - but I will chase You...and I know You will dream for me!