honest surrender...

I read these words in a devotional a few days ago and I immediately had to copy and paste –

The hours before Jesus’ arrest were the most stressful, trying moments of His life. Unlike us, Jesus could have taken control and avoided the cross. Instead we see Jesus sweating profusely in agonized prayer, pleading, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42, ESV).

Do you hear the surrender in Jesus’ words? I often picture the posture of surrender as hands serenely lifted during a gentle worship song. But perhaps the image of Jesus’ sweaty battle on His knees is more accurate.

So often I feel like THESE are my thoughts – the thoughts I so desperately want to convey and share to so many I walk life alongside. We as Christians seem to think we have to be ok all the time. We have to live totally put together, we aren’t allowed to have any feelings of angst and we better mask and cover up the war we’re waging on the inside so we can walk in total peace and rest, demonstrating grace to others and ourselves in the midst of the darkest night and fiercest battles of our lives. Sweet friends, I do not think it’s true. We have a God we can be honest with…a God we can come before in brokenness and present ourselves as a mess heap of wreckage. We don’t have to pretend. We can throw off every ounce of pulled together and just cry out before our God who loves us wholly and already knows that on the inside we are combusting. Already knows that we don’t understand and we are totally exploding with confusion and fear and disappointment and sorrow. He doesn’t expect us to be anything other than exactly what we are – humans – perfectly made in His image – weak and feeble but HELD UP BY HIM.

I think we do ourselves and everyone around us such a disservice by living so intently masked behind these layers of deception – the ordinary can be extremely difficult. We need each other – we need to be praying for one another and walking alongside each other as that cloud of witnesses that remind one another of all the places we see God. He is abundantly present but sometimes in the midst of the storm He seems distant and impossible to reach – the silence feels deafening and no matter now desperately you are looking for Him, all that seems to be comprehensible is hopelessness. Being reminded by someone that loves you, someone you trust that there is light, that you are growing, that He is at work and it is abundantly clear – THAT gives you strength to take one more step and keep going believing He is doing something bigger than you just can’t see.

SO if Jesus can live surrendered - without sin - and it’s an agonizing plea, perhaps we don’t’ need to be quite as dignified before the throne or each other…perhaps we can present ourselves as a living sacrifice – POURED OUT – but honestly surrendered, humbled, broken mess heaps and we can accept one another in our feeble state and walk together hand in hand through whatever battles we may face. What a beautiful picture of the family of Christ. What a beautiful picture of love, held together by Him.