that single life...

This morning my lifelong best, Anna, sent me a text including an article with 40 milestones you can celebrate in your life besides getting married. It was an appropriate read being that I am 30 and single and there are days (many days) when the struggle is real. She knows my heart. I’m living a life I never envisioned. That doesn’t mean it’s all bad or there aren’t moments I am wholeheartedly settled and reassured that this is exactly where God has me, but there is still absolute truth in the following statement - for years I have prayed for a husband, for a family - and I know God hears me - His answer is just “not yet” or maybe even “not ever”. As she read through the list, she had done about 10 of the 40 and felt like she had missed out. Truth be told, the 40 weren’t THAT exceptional and there were less than 5 that I hadn’t done - but I have 8 years of singleness on Anna since she got married at 22. The list did make me stop and ponder how much I do have to celebrate - Anna sees me as someone who has lived fully throughout this season of my life and for that I am truly thankful - I want to choose joy and thrive on adventure - to chase life and not become discontented because my circumstances aren’t the ones I would have chosen. SO…today…as inspired by the list here are some highlights of the single life - things that make my life feel vibrant…and encouragements for those of you that are still waiting for your mister…

— Make your apartment or condo feel like home. That’s right - grab your hammer and nails and hang pictures on your walls, purchase the print from Etsy you’ve been eyeing and frame it. You can’t wait for your husband to pick your dishes because Emma from Pottery Barn are SO PERFECTLY YOU - so buy them and love them - you can always expand from 8 place settings to 12 when you get married! 

— Get you masters. I did it. I graduated with an MBA at 24 and I AM SO GLAD I did. I’ll be paying for it forever, but I’m so glad when I do get married, the husband and I won’t have to spend our evenings studying because that part of life is behind us (at least me, unless God tells me to go to seminary, which He really might…but we’ll see).

— Go on vacation with a friend. And then go on another vacation with a friend. And so on and so forth. I went on a cruise with Sara and to San Francisco with Gan and Kenz, I’ve had numerous beach house weekends and learned how to celebrate the ordinary in life with those I love. You don’t have to be married to explore. Start now. It’s worth the money and the memories are invaluable. 

— Read a lot of books. I buy books almost every week. And I read a lot too. It definitely encourages growth and I personally find it more valuable than a lot of the available programming on television (but don’t get me wrong, I waste plenty of time on that too!). Reading helps me feel less alone - there are so many people out there that have experienced where I am sitting in some capacity and that helps on so many levels.

— Have people over for dinner - and actually cook it yourself. I’ve gotta admit I used to be WAY better at this one. I used to cook a lot and have people over often as well. I’ve gotten exceedingly tired over the past few years. However, I do love to host and loved having my rooted family over a few months ago and hosting roommate dinner just a few weeks ago. Share your home, your table with people. Invite them in. Make space. It will change your heart and give you reasons to rejoice. 

— Get your own health insurance and car insurance and set up the 401K. Basically become the adult you KNOW you can be. You’ll feel responsible and then overwhelmed and then wish you didn’t have to live adult life. It’s worth it - independence makes so many things feel more possible and you really are capable! I promise! 

— Spend a holiday with friends instead of family. For my 30th birthday, Carrie and Jenny took me to a winery for the weekend and it was glorious. I felt overwhelmingly loved and celebrated and it was perfection. Holidays are meant to be shared with those you love; the older I get, the more I realize that isn’t just family for me. Or maybe, my definition of family has changed. 

— Ask for a raise when you know you deserve it. I’ve done it twice and both times it was incredibly difficult but SO worth it. I now encourage my friends to stand on their feet and fight for themselves. Chances are you’re more valuable than you think - so use that voice God gave you and be courageous - your bravery just might pay off (mine did both times!). 

— Give away money that you don’t have quite enough of yet to people or causes you believe in. I am pretty sure I will always be poor because I love to give…BIG TIME. It is my heartbeat and I’m grateful that it is so central to who I am. I have missionary friends all over the world and support causes that bring me to tears. I even have shoes from Guatemala and some really fun jewelry that might have been too spendy but was worth it because of who it helped. However, my very favorite giving story was the year I got to fly a friend home for Christmas - I just knew she needed to go and it was my job to cover the bill. I didn’t really have the money, but it was truly my joy to send her on her way knowing it was God’s best and in that there is true celebration! 

— Give a heart-felt meaningful speech as the Maid of Honor at the wedding of someone who is very special to you. I’ve been in a few weddings, but I’ve only been Maid of Honor once and it was so very special. Standing beside my dear Emy will forever be a most cherished memory. It was anything but the weekend she expected and there was a lot of hard - but that hard made our moments together sweeter and even more profound. If I could have stopped the snow, I absolutely would have, but I am so grateful that I flew in on Wednesday before the storm truly began because being there for every moment of that weekend was right and I wouldn’t have had it any other way! 

— Send a lot of mail. Snail mail. The kind from the US Postal Service. Mail makes people happy. Invest in other people’s happiness and you’ll be shocked about how much happiness it brings you as well. I also believe in delivering gifts to front porches or dropping off donuts. It all matters and fills you with far more life than whatever you’re giving away. 

— Get involved in ministry. I was in a Women’s Bible Study…then a Lifegroup…now I’m involved in ROOTED and CHOSEN and truly it’s such a gift to have places to be known and people to pour into. Absolutely it takes time, but this is the season for that. This is the space when we have the most time - there aren’t kids crawling all over us - so I am grateful to be able to give my time away and show up in places I might not be able to later! 

— Reach a point in life where even though you still care about looks, you are more concerned with your character, your choices, and the people you surround yourself with. I am definitely here. I might notice your looks, but I love your heart. And undoubtedly WHO I am is way more important than WHAT I look like. I also know beyond any doubt that my heart has space to love many because I have an abundance of time that so many of my married friends do not - for that I am exceedingly grateful. I have been able to show up and love loudly, to be aunt shell to my friend’s littles, to sit on couches and cry or watch ridiculous television, deliver meals, throw parties, and abundantly more. My life is far brighter and more beautiful because of my people.

I don’t really know what comes next or when…but I’m ready. I have lived well in this season and I will continue to seek out what makes my heart beat faster and brings laughter from deep within. I will love people and live alongside them even if I’m doing it on my own and without a partner and I know that God will give me opportunities for richness beyond expectation. It isn’t what I envisioned, it isn’t what I wanted - but it I will be glad and rejoice in it (and I will also cry in it - so don’t be shocked if you see that too!) because it has had wonderful surprises and I have learned to be my best me in some truly wonderful ways.