This morning I was listening to a (wait for it…) podcast (HUGE SHOCK)!! Specifically I was listening to “audio from The Village Church out of Texas”. If you are wondering, I listen to sermons almost every morning as I drive into the office. I try to spend some time with Jesus each morning and have really fallen in love with the sermonized commute - it’s a really good way to get my heart focused on Jesus as I start the day and utilize what has at times felt like an agonizing 45 minutes in the car. The series I am listening to at the moment is on the Bible - it’s authenticity, inerrancy, accuracy, and value in our lives. The thought that captured me today was this: obedience will bring you joy - not happiness - but the true desire of your heart.
This has been such a challenging season in my life. One in which I have cried out far more than I have bubbled over with laughter…one that has been marked by sorrow and pain, disappointment and fear; yet one in which I can wholeheartedly and absolutely say I have seen the Lord move, and work, and ultimately, that is the true desire of my heart. If obedience is sitting with Him, looking to Him for strength in weakness, for steps through weariness, for light in darkness, then I have been obedient and He has answered my cries by drawing close, and being so very near just as He promised. He has taught me to sing the lyrics to hymns and praises with palms open and heart abandoned even as the road before me is unclear in the eyes of humanity. In a season where words like stripped away, raw, and emptied seem to embody my experience, words like grace, and mercies, and goodness, and love coincide. I have never cried so much in my life. I have never spent so much time on my knees at the feet of Jesus. There is a tremendous amount of beauty in that - in being able to honestly say I choose Jesus - to know in a deep and untouchable part of me that He is the answer and I don’t have to find Him because regardless of how many times I stumble or fall or fail to be who I desire to be, He is there breathing life into my very being and reminding me that He is a Good Father and I am loved. I would not choose this season, this road, but I wouldn’t go back either, for the ways the Lord has captured and refined my heart through the desperation will undoubtedly mark the rest of my days. In a sense, I believe He has become the true desire of my heart in a way that is far more honest than ever before. When the words are gone, and I can do no more, I will still be wholly loved - He will carry me and I don’t need to wrestle or doubt because He is steady and sure and gentle and miraculously present if I will just fall into Him. When the storm is strong and the waves crash, He will be on the water - and I pray my eyes will be focused on Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment