detours.

We have all experienced them. 

They’re confusing and for someone who is directionally impaired (ME!) they come with feelings of frustration, aggravation, and perhaps even defeat as we find ourselves totally lost. 

I would like to believe that we improve in our resolve as we face the unavoidable unexpected in life; and yet I find that no matter how old I get, I am still shaken. Somewhere deep down, that tiny human version of myself hoping to be seen and understood and waiting for life to actualize as anticipated lives on. 

I remember being a teenager and having my dad kiss me on the cheek and tell me I didn’t need to kiss any boys, I would always him. Then I got a little older and he said I was ONLY allowed to kiss him. Then I hit college and he invited me to go ahead and give it a go - perhaps there was a really good guy out there for me to kiss. When I was 21 I called my dad and told him I had kissed a boy for the first time… I don’t think any of us thought for one second that it would be such an isolated experience. I am now 34-years-old and I am still waiting for my next kiss. I’ve waited as I watched so many of my dearest friends walk down the aisle and become wives…I waited as they had babies…and NOW I am waiting as the girls I mentor - ones who are 10+ years younger than me get their turn at wedding bliss. 

Being single is one of the major detours in my life. 

Don’t get me wrong - there is beauty in the unexpected turns… 

Singleness led me to invest in foster care ministry… it has allowed me the time and space to truly show up and be present in the lives of my people. It has meant becoming AuntShell to so many adorable tiny humans and finding true joy in loving them. And it sent me to Africa, an experience that literally changed my life. I am grateful to be single - most of the time. 

And yet - on a day like today when my childhood best friends are together on vacation in Mammoth - with all their kiddos - I can’t help but look at the pictures and see the hole where my baby could be. The space I grew up thinking I would fit so perfectly within. I know that won’t ever have those moments with them…I won’t ever be a mama alongside my people. Truth telling, I actually don’t know that I’ll be a mama at all. For whatever reason, God has said that isn’t His best for my story today.

So what do you do when you’re still waiting. Where do you find hope as you navigate the detour that is still winding along? Let the tears fall…take a deep breath…steady your spirit and wait on.

Psalm 5:3, “In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”