I was supposed to spend the weekend in St. Louis with my #bestforlife Emily. I booked the flight months ago and I was so looking forward to time with Em. I was going to be there to celebrate Charlee’s first birthday…and I was arriving only four days after Em’s birthday. It had been almost a year since the last time we had seen each other and it was time for us to be together. Even if ALL we did was sit on the couch and watch grey’s anatomy it was going to be great. Until it wasn’t.
The trip started out smooth. I left my house at 6:00am on Friday and headed to John Wayne where I bumped into Joe and Bodhi Sanchez in the airport. We got some McDonalds together - delightful - and then headed to our respective gates to await boarding. I boarded ON TIME and headed to Denver, Colorado. Leg 1. I finished approximately 75 pages of my book, Just Mercy, on that flight and the first hiccup was a slight delay getting to our gate. When I finally got off that plane, we were STILL early so I wasn’t even slightly concerned. I walked with gusto all the way across the airport (literally it was about a 1-mile walk) and there just so happened to be a Starbucks near my gate - thank you Jesus - so I grabbed an iced Americano w/ 2-pumps of white mocha and settled back in to await boarding. I checked in with Em to let her know where I was in the process and then it started to unravel. First it was just a delay due to mechanical issues. Then it was - this plane is grounded but we are looking for a new plane for y’all. At this point we were about an hour or so behind schedule. They told us to check back an hour later. At 2:00pm we got the dreaded - THIS FLIGHT IS CANCELLED.
I headed to the customer service desk where I got into the first line. Then a lovely lady came and told me there was a second customer service desk with a very small line. FALSE. After walking there I found there were just as many people in line. Oh well. To the back of the line I went. I waited and eventually (very eventually) Cindy helped me the very best she could. The options were limited and unfortunately, even as I crossed my fingers and held onto hope while praying - it would only get worse from there. Cindy got me a standby seat for an 8pm flight to STL that evening and a guaranteed seat for 9am the next morning. The downside of the 9am flight was it would put me in STL at 1pm - aka RIGHT when Charlee’s party was set to begin making it virtually impossible to get from the airport to Emily’s house without very significant UBER expenses. The other downside (if it even needs to be said) is that I wouldn’t arrive until Saturday which cut our time virtually in half.
I started to waver and waffle about the best plan…maybe I should fly home and try this whole thing another weekend. Anxiety and perhaps even panic started to rise up within me. What would happen on Monday - a work day with presentations - would I be able to get home in a reasonable amount of time? What would happen if this whole scenario repeated itself and I was stuck in the airport again? My steady stature was quickly decomposing.
Nevertheless, I hate disappointing people - especially my very favorite people. So I decided to attempt the standy-by flight for 8pm and hold tight to the hope that IT COULD STILL HAPPEN and maybe just maybe I would be posting happy instagram pics at Charlee’s birthday party in no time. Not all dreams come true friends. That 8pm flight was delayed to 9 and 10 and 11 and ultimately when the peeps did get ON that plane (which was waylaid in Colorado Springs to refuel and then had to await another crew coming in from Casper, Wyoming because theirs timed out. Plus it should probably be noted that the crew from that first flight boarded that 8pm flight to go home and sleep...anyone know if they sat in seats or the cockpit - please say the cockpit... I'm gonna assume the cockpit.) there were NO SEATS and back to that customer service desk I went. On the way, I called my mom. I almost couldn’t talk. It was a mix of disappointment and exhaustion and honestly complete confusion. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go to Emily so badly. I wanted to be there to see and celebrate Charlee - to watch her smash her cake and see her take steps (sweet baby just started walking on Super Bowl Sunday). I miss virtually everything in Emily’s life because she lives on the other side of the country. I hated feeling like I was letting her down. I was also legitimately panicked about Monday. I never have anxiety and didn’t know what to do with those feelings. I couldn’t imagine not being in the office for the meetings I had scheduled or making that call to my boss - again - letting people down. Mom is not emotional so she was the right call to make - she just said, come home. She told me what to do which is what I needed. I couldn’t make the decision - I needed someone else to do it.
I booked a return flight for the following morning, got a hotel voucher, and headed for the tram to exit the airport. I called the number for the shuttle and then braved the ridiculous cold. The shuttle didn’t come for over 30-minutes (though several of the other hotel shuttle drivers said he would be right up) so I called again. They said their last shuttle had already come. I loaded UBER to make it happen and my phone died. In some mixture of defeat and resignation, I headed back into the airport to find an outlet. At this point it was nearly 2am and I needed to be back at the airport by 6 to catch my flight. So, I opted to find a couch in the corner, cuddle up with my neck pillow, and just stay put. Soon enough, I walked back through security and got on a plane back home where I filed a claim for my missing bag and a refund on my flight.
I wish I could explain to you all the gross or embarrassing or ugly things that flashed through my head that night. All the “not-enough” feelings. All the ALONE. The totally incapable. I have come a long way, but I am still a deep people-pleaser and I like control. I hate letting people down. I hate that I hit this “limit” and almost cannot make decisions or process any more information. I guess I hate that I’m human.
Mostly - I hate that I wasted a vacation day in an airport and didn’t even make it to my Emy or her Charlee Sue.
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