Alright, let’s do it. Let’s talk about Valentines Day.
I get it - it’s a Hallmark holiday. It isn’t real and it doesn’t matter. Totally agree. And yet somehow, it doesn’t change that as a single female at 32, I can’t help but feel SOMETHING even if I don’t know exactly what I feel…
I know better than to have any expectations for today. I know I won’t get flowers or chocolate and there won’t be a card coming from a significant other. Those are easy answers. I’ve gotten pretty used to that reality. It has never been a day on which I felt “special”. Growing up - my dad never made it a thing. He didn’t give me a card or take me on a date. Truth-telling, dad isn’t really even like that with mom. In fact, only in the last year or so did I realize (to my delight) my parents used to be kind of cute! Apparently back in the day they went to the same restaurant on their anniversary every year - but then it closed and they just never picked up something new. My mom loves apple fritters so dad used to get her one of those every year - so I always thought he had a HINT of romance in him, but mom is basically a health-nut now and she doesn’t want one anymore, so he doesn’t really do anything (at least that I know of). He has never brought home flowers because that is a total waste of money and mom is SUPER PRACTICAL.
I have never had a boyfriend or a date for Valentines Day. One year in college my friend Amy Legan convinced this boy named Chris Mickey to take me to Olive Garden for dinner, but he didn’t make reservations and it was SO CROWDED so we ultimately ended up test driving cars and let’s be clear - while that may have been something we did together - it was all about him. If you know me at all, I am not a “car girl”. Last year right around Valentine’s Day I remember thinking that MAYBE it would happen - maybe I would actually be dating someone…but things with that guy turned out to be steady in the friend-zone and I told him I wasn’t looking for any more friends, so it ended quickly from there.
I always do my best to celebrate the dear friends I do have on Valentines Day - to see the bright side, if you will, rather than falling into the trap or pitfall of feeling blue or somehow allowing myself to wallow in feeling less-than because of my singleness. I realize I am not defined by my marital status. I have some AMAZING FRIENDS and they are beautiful and such a gift. I am blessed to run alongside INCREDIBLE women who bring hope and joy and laughter galore. I count it a privilege and honor. I truly celebrate them and WHO THEY ARE.
Nonetheless, when the actual day arrives, I still confront those same joy-stealing feelings of empty and lonely and waiting and wanting. Maybe it is just part of being human. Maybe it is that innate desire to be loved that creeps in as we watch or even just know that other people are being embraced all around us and we encounter that harsh truth that we don’t have yet what we so yearn for. Maybe when I actually have a boyfriend or husband I will realize that it actually IS all hype and truly is insignificant; but until then, I think perhaps there is this small part of me that buys into the hope of being cherished and set apart and celebrated by someone…even on a day that Hallmark deems momentous.
Nonetheless, when the actual day arrives, I still confront those same joy-stealing feelings of empty and lonely and waiting and wanting. Maybe it is just part of being human. Maybe it is that innate desire to be loved that creeps in as we watch or even just know that other people are being embraced all around us and we encounter that harsh truth that we don’t have yet what we so yearn for. Maybe when I actually have a boyfriend or husband I will realize that it actually IS all hype and truly is insignificant; but until then, I think perhaps there is this small part of me that buys into the hope of being cherished and set apart and celebrated by someone…even on a day that Hallmark deems momentous.
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