It is Well...

On Sunday evening I had the opportunity to sit across from my very first friend from college (C-B-WHAT, C-B-WHAT, C-B-U! C-B-U!!) Lisa Laird. She lives in Phoenix and we don’t get to see each other often - she is a mama to three and that is beyond a full-time job. Nevertheless, when the opportunity arises, aka. the annual trip to Disneyland comes around - we make the space every single time. We met in Downtown Disney at the Jazz Kitchen for Irish Coffee and beignets. 

>> Quick diversion - Lisa bought me my very first drink. It wasn’t my birthday, or a special occasion of any kind actually. I was over 21 because I am THAT kind of girl and as I think it was just a random night when she was visiting CBU after she had already graduated. It wasn’t the least bit glamorous - I am pretty sure we stopped at the 7-11 near campus and we were all freaked out someone would see us - and by we I probably just mean I was freaked out - Lis wouldn’t have gotten in trouble at all - she wasn’t even a student. I am a rule follower THROUGH AND THROUGH, so to the core I’m sure this was difficult for me. I couldn’t tell you what I drank that night but probably a Smirnoff ice or something else entirely ridiculous, I probably kept it in the brown bag the ENTIRE TIME, and I bet I felt like a TOTAL rebel, and absolutely LOVED it! >> 

As Lisa and I sat across that table and talked, gratitude rushed in. Lisa was literally the first person I met at CBU. We lived on 1C and I had arrived early for CHOIR CAMP (aka hell week for choir nerds) and Lis was there early because her older sister was focus leader (in charge of orientation) and needed to arrive in advance of all the newbies. God could have placed anyone in my path that first day - but He chose Lisa. We were dear friends throughout our college days - I watched her date and ultimately dump her first college boyfriend (drama), hung out in her apartment while I was still living it up in dorm land, watched her graduate, move back to Phoenix, and ultimately marry Mike. All these years later, I am still unspeakably thankful for His divine provision. Lisa’s heartbeat is for Christ and her desire is to honor and serve Him wholeheartedly. 

The beauty of a friendship years deep is you can usually pick right up where we left off, never skipping a beat. Lisa is undoubtedly in a busy and overwhelming season - she has a full plate with all those babies looking to her to meet literally all their needs. I think our time together was a bit of a pause for her - but I sensed the rest she needed was much greater - she needed Him to allow her to be still. As our conversation continued, she began expressing that very thing. She yearned to hunger for Him, but was so weary and exhausted that she didn’t even know how to find the space to seek after Him. She found herself opening the Word only to read the same verse over and over because nothing would sink in within what seemed only seconds available before a child woke up or needed to be picked up from school or just wanted mama. I found my heart softening. In His abundant mercy, the Lord has allowed me to walk this road in a unique way because I have a lot of mommy friends and I have been learning much about striving after God myself. I began to share from my journey. 

What if this season is about resting with God versus performing for Him? What if in an approval based society, we feel as though He is looking for us to read His word or underline truths and write in the columns of our Bibles; but really, He wants you to turn on a worship song in your house and paint your nails? What if He wants you to go on a walk with your kids and point out the flowers He created and just breathe in the beauty of His majesty all around you. What if He wants you to have a cup of coffee and cry - just come before Him and let it out in honesty? Maybe this season is about sitting WITH God versus proving yourself TO Him? 

I watched the tears well up in her eyes. As a perfectionist and deep seeker of approval myself, these have NOT been easy things for me to wrap my brain around, but I am trying to listen to the truth that our good and faithful Father created us beautifully and perfectly in His image and there is not ONE THING we need to DO to EARN His approval. I am familiar with the art of striving, and the weight that comes along with it. I continued to share. 

I think sometimes we really need to hear that He is proud of us exactly where we are RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT. We don’t need to do one thing. You are His beloved - His beautiful daughter and He doesn’t look on you with disappointment or expectation. He merely HOPES that You will actually choose to draw close, to approach the throne and know His arms are open wide, ready to receive you. There is no anger and there should be no fear. His grace is sufficient for our weakness, for our season of inability, for our lacking. He is enough, we don’t have to do anything but BE. 

I looked at my beautiful friend, so obviously exhausted from real life, and said “dearest Lis, It is Well.” 

We had been at that table for over four hours - the restaurant had long closed and virtually everyone had departed, but we still took a moment to cry together. It was profound and beautiful, a reminder that God orchestrates friendships. Some may last for only a season, while others are designed to be deep and significant for much longer. This space in my life - of somewhat alone and so very different than what I imagined - of walking in a reality that looks unlike that of those I love most has been hard. But let me tell you, it has allowed me to draw near to my King and to learn so much about His desire for us to abide with Him, in Him. And in that moment, in the midst of the chaos and hurry of Downtown Disney, the night grew still and the lights began to twinkle. I have absolutely no doubt that our Heavenly Father was REJOICING over us as He heard his sweet girls talking about Him, learning new ways to draw near, and perhaps finding hope once more.