better Shel

People ask me all the time, “so what is new with you, Shel?” and the answer is really simple - nothing except me…I change in tiny almost imperceptible ways, but my life is pretty much the same. 

>> I still work as a Project Manager at AkinsParker - a full-service design and advertising agency in downtown Santa Ana. It is a good job at a great company and although it is work, I am confident it is a place I am growing and doing something I am gifted in to serve others. 

>> I live in Newport Beach with my roommate Andrea, and although I do walk on the trail occasionally, I still don’t actually know how to drive from my house to the beach - it is pathetic. I do know how to get to Fashion Island, the movie theater, and Balboa Island - AND I know exactly how to get back to Brea / Fullerton to do all the things I am used to there - proving I am far too dependent on habit and routine. 

>> I lead CHOSEN, the ministry to teens impacted by the Foster Care System in Orange County and continue to find myself amazed at how God is working and moving and using club to draw me to Him. I come to Him with joy, with gratitude, in humility for the gift and privilege of leading these teens and the incredible mentors. I also come to Him with a multitude of questions. CHOSEN brings me to my knees and begs me to seek Him and find Him. It is one of the very best things in my life for sure. 

>> I love Rwanda without question or hesitation and think about it often - I miss my friends there - and the slideshow of campers’ faces plays unprompted when I close my eyes and moves me to tears far more often than I would expect since I have been home for three (3) months now. I actually went to an African American church on Sunday and as I listened to their most joyful outpouring of worship, I could not contain my smile or the tears as I pictured myself surrounded by the campers, their voices singing, their feet pounding in rhythm. I pray I will forever be THIS grateful for that experience and that my heart will stay this tender toward the Kingdom. 

>> I continue to attempt to date online even though I find it HILARIOUS and so very strange. I have had several unsuccessful attempts - and yet - THAT is where the men are these days, right?! SO I will keep trying…and unreservedly saying "PASS" to those who do not meet my expectations FULLY BELIEVING I will not miss the man God has for me. In His time...

>> I am overwhelmingly blessed to have so many friends who have allowed me to become family and choose to call me Aunt Shell. My mini-besties bring unsurpassed joy and have soothed an aching and longing place in my heart. The gift of their laughter the wonder of adventuring alongside them cannot be fully expressed.

it is not lost on me that God led me out of this country to change my heart in monumental ways - He led me away from the comforts of home…away from my nearest friends and those I call family to mold and shape me. I have lived in the weight and grappling of darkness and I know to appreciate the glimmers of light. Throughout the past two years I have grown and changed - I have set new boundaries, established new patterns. I have learned to live well my season - to admit the lonely and the longing without allowing it to overtake me, to truly dance in the bittersweet, to give much and still choose me. I am a better Shel - healthier and more whole; I may still be in the desert - but I see Jesus here and tangibly know the possibility of blooming, even in this place. I really am so very grateful. I will continue to pursue hope and to chase Jesus wherever He will lead me - alongside the still waters or into a wilderness thicker and more dense with challenge than those I've known thus far. I trust Him and KNOW He is good - regardless of what I see or understand. I want to keep opening my hands and walking forward in faith - that will never be easy, but it will always be best; and it will always be my path to becoming a better Shel.