I was sitting at dinner last night (in downtown Disney I might add - which is utterly ridiculous and very near the place where dreams come true, which adds another layer of ba-hum-bug to the rest of this story - especially when you know that our waitress told us to “have a magical night” on multiple occasions) and these words came out of my mouth “I just don’t believe it anymore”. I believe God has a plan for me; I even believe it is a good and mighty plan. I am on board for it and I will follow Him as He leads. That said, I just do not believe in the fairytale anymore.
I do not (not even the slightest bit) expect that some guy is going to choose me. I am 33-years-old and I’ve never been the girl he picked - never. I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school, not in college, and not since. I have done the dating online thing and we’ll call that an epic failure. I went out with two guys and I got friend zoned by one and rebuked by the other - after a year of vigilant emailing and pursuing. It is not for lack of trying friends. So I guess I just don’t see it happening any time soon. I will fully admit that I don’t have that “vibe” (whatever that means). I’m not the girl who is screaming “come talk to me for a good time” with my body language or my clothing choices. I am not hanging out in bars and clubs and I don’t really like to dance. So that one is on me. If a guy did flirt with me, he would probably have to try pretty hard to get me to notice; but, if he gave me his number I would probably catch that, and I can guarantee you THAT hasn’t happened. I am also completely convinced I am not a hermit crab - I am out there. I may not be super provocative, but I’m doing all kinds of things all the time. If there was a guy out there looking, I’m fairly certain he could find me. Plus I like to believe that God is bigger than me or him and has control over ALL THE UNIVERSE and I don’t have to try to orchestrate it or make it happen.
Nonetheless, I just admitted I don’t really believe in “it” anymore - so maybe we’re back to square one and I should have just asked for some pixi dust from my magical wishing waitress.
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