Mother's Day.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. A day that is notoriously challenging for me - it is filled with longing and so many reminders of a title I yearn for, but do not have. I have spent years of my life praying for hope, asking He would be near, begging I would be faithful to press on in the midst of my unbelief. I have earnestly sought after Jesus. I have prayed that He would be my biggest dream and the truest desire of my heart. 

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Yesterday was also May 13. It could have fallen on any day of the month - but it did not - it fell on the 13th. The might not be anything special, but I choose to see it as a special little gift from a Father who loves ME with great intention. On the 13th of each month, I celebrate a little boy named William. The little boy in Rwanda who CHOSE ME, danced with me, held my hand, made me a bracelet that is more precious to me than any other. The little boy that God used to sing His song over me and remind me that there is a distinct and purposeful story for my life, that He has not forgotten me for one moment, that I am seen and loved and in His time I will come to understand the why behind the waiting. Yesterday I did not have tears, I did not have sorrow or longing. I had an abundance of gratitude for a God who filled the dark and grieving space with hope for the future. A God who taught me to dance for Jesus even in the midst of the most painful circumstances…and live.

This morning I got the pictures of our campers for Rwanda 2018. In the secret and unspoken corners of my heart I have held onto this tiny shred hope that I would see William upon my return to the land of a thousand hills. I have faithfully prepared my team to meet 100 new campers. This is a new year and in Africa it is wise to anticipate different and unexpected. Things are ever-changing and we have far less control than I can begin to express. When I opened the documents containing pictures of the campers I can only describe the feeling as complete SHOCK. Many of the faces and names that lined the pages were familiar, the names were recognizable and rolled off my tongue. SO many of those kids were MY CAMPERS. MY FAMILY. God in His abundant and unimaginable generosity is allowing us to return to Rwanda to love OUR KIDDOS for a second year. With a most fierce pace I scanned the pages looking for the eyes of one little boy and I found him - top row, center, document two. My William. 

Oh how He loves me. 

Happy Mother’s Day.